


The Shelter

by space_x_child



Series: Short Stories [2]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Bad Ending, Character Death, Death, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, Original Fiction, Post-Apocalypse, Pre-Apocalypse, Romance, Science Fiction, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Survival, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21163862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_x_child/pseuds/space_x_child
Summary: No one really knew how X's came to be. One day there weren't any, the next day half the population was wiped out.All Karma knew was that they are technological monsters, fit to be the world's biggest weapon, after the splitting particle ray which could reduce any person into air particles in a millisecond. Karma realised how simple it would be to destroy an army even with one X. They were practically indestructible, perfect killing machines, only they'd turned on the government, apparently. Or maybe those bastards had escaped perfectly unharmed, watching how the country was being destroyed. Maybe it was an excuse for overpopulation.xx-xxKarma has been trying to survive for over a year, but it's difficult when X's, mechanical killing machines, roam the streets, hungry for human flesh. Every day that passes by without finding a portal brings the morale lower. They need to escape the country before they all end up dead. It doesn't help that the X's have changed their tactics and are now manipulating people to commit suicide. The death rate keeps increasing, and Karma has to find out what family means, and to what extremes she would go to save the ones she loves.





	1. The Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm back!
> 
> I'm busy working on my novel, which is why I've barely had the time to work on shorter projects. However, there was a competition at school and then the Wattys and I rewrote an old sci-fi short story I'd done for English class years ago. It got a bit out of hand and instead of being 10k words, it's now 26k (the hours of sleep I lost) but it's finally complete! 
> 
> I'd like to thank Ana Polo (apolo.png on Instagram) for her beautiful commission. It looks like it was taken straight out of my imagination. Truly a talented person.
> 
> Also, for clarification, xx-xx is in the 'normal' or 'up-to-date' timeline and oo-oo is for the flashbacks or 'old' timeline. Just so that it's less confusing haha.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> \- Lo
> 
> (DON'T read below if you want no spoilers, but DO read if you want warnings for triggers)
> 
> There's suicide, amputation, suicidal thoughts, death, gore, mental instability, and a suicide attempt. If at any point, you don't feel comfortable, stop reading and stay safe.

The rocky ground covered with countless pieces of broken glass, the musky smell of blood and dust, the empty building echoing her footsteps, everything was a familiar scene for Karma. It was still the same as the first time she'd come, afraid and in denial, the area unfamiliar territory.

She winced as she stepped on a piece of glass, the loud crunch piercing the deadly silence. Her blood pounded in her ears as her instincts sang 'DANGER'. The sound rang in her ears even after the silence had come back. She took a deep breath in, then pushed it out. Everything was too loud. _They_ were most sensitive to sound.

She reminded herself that tonight was a charge day and that she wouldn't be heard. She wouldn't be hunted. She laughed mentally. How ironic would it be if she died here.

She couldn't remember if her eyes were open or not, although it wouldn't have made a difference in the inky darkness that surrounded her. She kept walking, her mind picturing the area as she dodged objects with ease. It had taken her six months, but she could finally navigate without using her flashlight. She was glad she didn't need it anymore as it reduced the chances of being caught, and being caught was the worse thing that could happen.

She felt her head brush against a pole that she knew had been hanging loose from the ceiling and she stopped to turn her body in another direction. She walked over to the broken chair she knew she'd moved recently. It was better than sitting on the ground where she would usually cut herself by accident with one of the thousand pieces of glass surrounding the area. She had enough injuries without adding glass shards on the list.

She shivered as a cold wind blew through the open window on the wall next to her and whispered across her skin. If she focused long enough, like she sometimes did, she could almost hear it retell the story of what happened here. She rubbed her arms, trying to find any warmth. She'd left her jacket at the Shelter, it was almost summer, but now she was seriously regretting it.

She hesitated to turn her flashlight on. She didn't need it, but she really wanted to escape the suffocating darkness. She reassured herself she was safe in this small corner of the room. X's couldn't fit in small buildings, and they didn't usually explore places if they knew they weren't going to find any food. Except Karma was in the building, and for them, she'd taste as good as a Thanksgiving meal. If she valued her life, she would make sure they never found her.

Her logic and will to see won and she turned her flashlight on. She promised herself it was only for a moment. It was better to not use the batteries. They'd been running out of them for a while now, and these were the only ones she had left.

Soon enough she would have to come during the day. Whilst the X's were more active in the night, knowing that it gave them a bigger advantage as humans couldn't see as well as they could with their infrared vision, the darkness gave Karma a perfect opportunity to escape the Shelter unsupervised. As soon as she would start sneaking out in the daylight, she would become suspicious. Everyone was scouting during the day and it would be terribly easy for someone to see her slipping away, terribly easy for someone to ask for her and for no one to find her in her room, where she's supposed to be if she's not scouting. There wasn't a single person that wouldn't report it to Oberon and then it would be game over for her. They'd found her once when she'd been careless and naïve five months ago, and they'd assigned someone to watch her constantly. Luckily, she managed to convince them to leave her alone again, but if they knew she was still doing it, she'd be followed once again and they'd never let her go. She knew what she was doing wasn't allowed and risky, but she would go mad if she couldn't come here anymore.

Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the vivid light the flashlight brought when she turned it on but they finally did and the sight that greeted her was the same as ever.

The corpse's neck was snapped backwards, its knees were facing the wrong way, its eyes were still open in fear, a last reminder of the trauma suffered. The puddle of blood surrounding the body had dried. After all, the body had been lying there for a long time.

Karma breathed in.

"Hey, Momma."

The words were more air than voice, the threat of monsters hearing her still hanging in the air. It didn't matter, all those times her mother had told her to not talk about the dead. She never said she couldn't talk _to _them.

"This last week was good, I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier. Oberon is pushing us to find an exit. I think we're all slowly losing our minds. Oberon's too optimistic, I don't think we're ever going to make it out."

Karma slowly brought up her sweater sleeve to swipe at the tear on her face. She only realised afterwards that she probably only put more dirt on her face than before.

She stared at the shattered body, wishing for better circumstances. When the accident happened, the group had dragged the body as fast as possible into this building. This was the best they could give to the dead. Funerals weren't possible anymore, the bodies were eaten by the X's, and when they did manage to hide the bodies, they didn't have the time and energy to waste into holding a funeral for them. All they'd done was say a couple of words, to wish her luck in whatever awaited people after death and then left to never return.

So Karma had given her mom a proper, lonely funeral and had almost washed her down, tried to erase the marks of violence off of her when she realised that a bloody towel would only attract the X's to her. So she'd tried to fix the body as much as possible, although it took her weeks to be able to do so as tears would blur her vision most of the time and she'd spend more time retching and crying than actually moving the body. She wanted to give this lifeless corpse of a person she used to know the best and the respect it deserved, but the emotional pain was crippling.

"I'm not sure I can do this anymore," only the silence answered her, and eventually, she left with her head bowed down, even more afraid and lost than before.

**xx-xx**

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Karma flipped the bird to the voice. She hadn't been able to sleep when coming back, the soft breaths of the people surrounding her not loud enough. They were so little now, and the number kept decreasing. No-one wanted to be pregnant when trying to escape.

"What's the plan for today?" she asked Flair, sinking into the chair in front of her.

Everyone was gathered in the main room, talking to each other about how yesterday they'd found nothing yet again. And the day before. And the day before that.

The main room was probably the place Karma spent the most time in. They'd brought in anything they could find once the X-day happened, preparing this hideout for months of survival. It'd originally been for few hundred of people, but most of them were gone now, their ghosts haunting this place for the years to come. Their moans resonating around the room for all the bad cards they'd been dealt, about how useless their deaths were in the grand scheme of things.

"I think we're searching the Plaza again," Flair rolled her green eyes. "I thought we'd deduced that there wasn't anything after the hundredth time we'd searched the area." She huffed, annoyed and frustrated. It seemed to be their only mood lately. "I think we should look outside the Gaunt, explore new areas, hell maybe even visit the Ghost towns. I've heard the X's are moving north to the Gaunts because they are getting hungry. The south is practically void of anyone by now."

"You know that's dangerous. Ghost towns are full of X's. There's no way Oberon would let us." Karma gave her a pointed look.

Flair looked guilty, "I just feel like we keep taking one step forward, and taking two steps back. We can't go on like this. We're running out of resources. It'll soon be over."

Karma stayed silent, which seemed enough of an answer for Flair.

"I'm just so-"

Flair cut herself off before she could finish her sentence when everyone suddenly went quiet. Oberon had entered the room, the uneven shuffling of his feet as his left leg dragged behind him loud in the quiet.

"Quiet down, quiet down!" He said uselessly in a normal voice. This was as loud as they could get now. Even though they were underground, they were always in danger of being discovered.

"Today, we've decided to re-explore the Plaza and the Senator house again," Moans and groans were heard but Oberon just ignored them. "And one group will be going out and exploring nearby Ghosts."

The moans suddenly stopped.

"That team will be Karma, Flair, Carrie, Hail, Spencer, and Pandora."

The silence was heavy, weighing down on Karma. Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds before she made eye contact with Flair and she sucked in a large breath, practically choking on it.

"The rest, meet up with your normal leaders and go equip."

Karma and Flair clutched each other's hands and slowly made their way to the rest of today's team, hearts pounding. Turns out that you never really get used to fear. It always lingers at the back of your throat, ready to resurface and choke you at any given moment.

Oberon walked over to their huddle, wincing with every step. It'd been a while but his wound still hurt. In a few months, he'd be able to run through the pain and would be right back to scouting.

He slowly made eye contact with each of them before speaking.

"Remember, the goal is to find a portal and to come back alive," the tone was dark and sombre and made shiver crawl up Karma's spine. "So just scouting today, stay out the main haunted places and try and find buildings that could be possible refuges. Keep an eye out for resources."

They all nodded, unsmiling.

"I'm sorry for all of this, but you're our only shot. We need our best for this."

None of the warm feelings came with the compliment, only dread and regret. Only fear and apprehension.

"Everybody suit up."

**xx-xx**

It was the fourth time that Flair sighed, and honestly, Karma couldn't relate more. They were all packing their belongings in their own corner. Karma checked her gun, making sure that she had enough melting bullets. Karma found that they worked best against the metal of the X's. She looked for a knife, pocketing it in her makeshift belt loop she'd sewn just for this purpose. Knives didn't do much against the monsters, but it was useful in case she needed to cut or chop anything. She also packed her leaky water bottle and a couple of first aid, just some plasters and alcohol.

Karma didn't mean to eavesdrop, but in the silence of the room, it was very hard not to.

"We'll be fine, I promise, baby Panda," Hail told his little sister. "I'll protect you, okay?"

"I'm tough, Hail," Pandora replied, voice trembling only slightly. Karma admired her courage. She couldn't have been more than fourteen or fifteen years old. It was quite young to be put on such a high danger mission team. She must be either really good or really keen to die. "It's going to be you asking for my help."

Spencer snorted really loudly, masking his reaction with an awkward cough. Karma made eye-contact with Flair, who was trying to keep her smile down.

"Ready?" Carrie asked, fiddling with her backpack. She pulled out a torch, clipping it to her belt, fixing it with bobby pins to make sure it couldn't fall. "Pandora, you're first."

The young blonde girl went to get her Helmet, clasping it over her temples, the metal line forming a semi-circle on her hair, similar to a halo. The rest followed with equipping themselves. Karma grabbed a small cereal bar, who's due date was only just a month ago which was quite lucky to find these days, and stuffed it in her bag to eat during the mission. She could feel that her breakfast wasn't sitting well in her stomach, and she couldn't get distracted by headaches during something important like this.

Karma had gone out on missions with some of them separately before, but this was the first time they'd been paired in this formation. Karma was actually impressed at what Oberon had done. There was a good balance of everything, and they weren't too many, or too little. Karma knew Carrie was wickedly good at remembering roads and routes from the one time they'd gotten lost in the forest on the outskirts of the city after running away from rogue X's. Karma had been lucky to have been with Carrie at that time and they'd made it back to the Shelter before all the others from that particular mission. Spencer usually organised missions to get food or first aid as he had a list of their stocks and how much they had left in reserve, so he was obviously put on this mission as their leader. Pandora was someone she'd only heard of by reputation. She knew that the younger girl was Hail's sister and that she was really good at first aid. She was often found helping in the infirmary as well, as her parents had been doctors, and a lot of their knowledge had been passed down to the two siblings. Hail was good with his hands, fixing Helmets and finding ways to use their environment as protection or weapons. Flair was easily the best shooter in their group, and the only one Karma would bet her life on to come out of an encounter with an X alive.

Karma leaned over the map, sketching out a route and looking at previously made blueprints. At least she was glad her drawing skills had a use even during an apocalypse. She'd sketch and draw places they would explore and create maps and blueprints of the area. This helped localise them a few times. She'd gotten the general gist of nearby cities, based on maps they'd found, but so far they had no close up of the Ghost town they would be visiting. Karma packed her tiny pencil and eraser. She was going to have to find new supplies soon. Her heart ached for her acrylic paint, but that was only a dream. She was lucky to even have graphite with her.

The group huddled up, climbing up the stairs, past all the other people getting ready to head out for another gruelling day. The morale was low, and Karma was almost glad to be going out into the danger zone, away from all the blank faces.

"You guys ready?" Spencer asked one last time before opening the doors outside.

Karma looked at her team, all of them nodding in confirmation.

They knew that this would be the last time they could talk until they reached the forest, and even after that, it was going to be tense. This was going to be a long trip and Karma could only hope they'd make it out intact.

**xx-xx**

"I can't believe you would say that!"

Spencer and Carrie were once again at each other's throats, arguing about something silly. Karma couldn't even remember what. She'd been looking out for X's, but so far they were in the woods, and usually, X's stayed near electronics and cities, finding comfort in familiarity.

"But look, your thumb is in the wrong place."

Karma's instincts screamed that they were being too loud, but she forced herself to calm down and focus on first finding the danger, then panic. And so far there was nothing.

"I'm holding my gun properly, look at you, it's not even leaning on your shoulder."

This was getting on Karma's nerves. They weren't even looking out for the team, instead too focused on this stupid argument. This wasn't the time nor place. She couldn't believe them.

She decided to tune them out despite the risks of doing so, shutting off their connection with one quick button on her Helmet, and walked a bit further, ducking behind a tree. She slowed her breathing, listening out for the tell-tale signs of creaking and clicking.

Silence. She left a relieved smile take over her face. She straightened herself, getting ready to move again when-

_Click._

Karma fumbled carelessly with the button on her Helmet, slamming desperately against it. Why had she turned it off? Dammit!

She started talking as soon as she heard the familiar beep announcing her return.

"Shut up!" She cut their talking off. She was panicking, her breath coming out short. By then, that should have been enough to alert the other's that something wasn't right. She started walking as quietly and as fast as she could away from the rogue X, keeping it in her sights. It hadn't seen them yet, but it had heard them and was coming their way. She didn't want to know if it had any friends.

"There's an X."

Her furious whispering was too loud, but they had to hurry, otherwise, they would soon not be able to talk at all.

Here's the funny thing when you're facing death, you'll never be ready. There's no life flashing before your eyes, or a moment where you find peace. No. There's just panic, adrenaline and fear. Your hands shake, your eyes will fill with tears, and you'll be so scared that that fear might as well have killed you. You'll feel hopeless, useless, and you'll know that everything you've done was for nothing, because you wouldn't be around to see it.

Karma ran to meet up with the rest of them, and they starting sprinting in the opposite direction of the X, trying to make no noise and stay silent but the crackling of leaves and branches under their feet could not be avoided. It only made it easier to hear their pursuer which was currently following them hotly at their heels, it's body groaning and squealing with every step, it's moaning sending an alarm to other X's that there was food. Karma was frantically searching for cover, anything to defend themselves. She knew that the guns they were holding wouldn't do too much good. There was no way she'd be able to aim at the X's weak points when she couldn't stop herself from shaking like a leaf. Her muscles were screaming against the strain, and she could feel her heart lodged in her throat.

Suddenly, she saw buildings. They were battered and half-ruined, and she almost cried at the view. It was a Ghost town, not the town they were aiming for, but a neighbouring one apparently. It hadn't been on the map they'd taken, but Karma was glad that it existed. It should provide enough protection and hiding places. It would have to. There was a chance the X's friends could meet them there, a not so pleasant surprise, but there was also a fifty per cent chance that they could escape in the small cracks and shelters between the buildings and evade their nightmare.

She made eye contact with Spencer who nodded at her. He knew what she was thinking.

They split up, all diving into different buildings. This gave the group a better chance of surviving. Karma ducked into what seemed to be an old bakery and jumped over the broken window at the back of the shop, landing harshly on her right ankle. She shook her head from the tears building in her eyes and went straight into a shop whose name was now erased, and items vandalised. She headed for the darkest corner, behind what she guessed used to be a shelf based on the shape of the pieces of wood. Once she was out of sight, she noticed the wide eyes of Carrie staring at her from behind a nearby counter and sighed. She wasn't alone.

They both listened to the heavy breaths and terrified whimpers on the other side of the communication line. No one was screaming yet. That was usually a good sign. Karma waited, and waited to hear the horrifying clicking with one ear, to hear a warning that they were still being followed, but it seemed that it had not seen them and gone for someone else. She just hoped that they'd be okay despite the ugly relief flooding her veins, knowing that she might live another five minutes at the cost of someone else's life.

They choked on fearful silence for ten more minutes before Karma signed to Carrie that she was going to scout the perimeter really quickly. Carrie nodded before speaking very softly in the speaker in their Helmets, so softly you could've mistaken her voice for a gust of wind, asking the rest of the team how many were safe.

Karma listened to Spencer and Flair answer, saying they were in nearby buildings, Spencer in the supermarket and Flair in the knick-knack shop next to him. They could see each other through the window and had so far seen no sign of the others or any X's.

Pandora and Hail still weren't answering which could be because of a bad connection, a broken Helmet, or the fact that they'd turned off their link. Karma hoped against all odds that it wasn't the last one. People only did that to spare the others of their screams and pain.

She crept from behind the shelf, slowly making her way from the dark corner to the windows, checking all of them. She always kept an ear out for noises, but from the view she got, the street seemed to be deserted.

The adrenaline was starting to wear off and she was hit with immense fatigue and another emotion she recognised from when she'd realised her mor was never coming home. She shook off the cold dread and focused on making sure their area was safe.

"Spencer, Flair, do you see the library from where you are?" Karma asked, determined. Their mission was over, they needed to get back to the Shelter as soon as possible to treat possible wounds and report this unknown Ghost town and the encounter with the X.

"Yes, it's right around the corner." There was a moment of silence before Spencer picked the conversation back up. "Rendez-vous point is the library."

Karma waited for Carrie as she made her way over to her. They crept out the door, not closing it after themselves. They checked the street for signs of danger before jogging to the shops opposite them. Karma quietly told Carrie that they would take the back alleys and try to stay off main streets as much as possible. She remembered seeing the library near the entrance of the town and they started making their way through rubble and dead shops.

Soon enough they spotted their rendezvous point and started accelerating, anxious to reunite with their friends. Karma really needed the reassurance of seeing the others and she wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. They quickly crossed the street, looking around for danger, when suddenly-

They froze, listening, trying to figure out what the noise they had heard was. The cracked glass windows of the building reflected her distorted face, pale, sweaty and terrified.

_Please let it be the others,_ Karma prayed.

Yeah, that was definitely a click. Not the others then, unless they'd developed metal appendages since she'd last seen them.

They hurried into the library. Its state wasn't as bad as some of the shops they'd crossed. A few of the shelves had collapsed, but it seemed as though it had been done on purpose. Maybe a fortification by the previous owners? The still-standing shelves were full of books, though a part of the library looked badly burnt and one window was broken, letting the cool air in. It seemed that a rogue fire had managed to be contained to just that part of the shop.

They climbed behind the fallen shelves, making sure to not make more noise than needed.

"I'm going to go find where the X is, you try and find the others," Carrie whispered softly, her voice sounding like wind chimes. Karma grabbed her hands for a second, and couldn't figure out which one of them was shaking more, and then let go retreated to take cover in a safe spot out of sight. Karma was secretly glad that Carrie was doing this because she didn't think she could handle the situation anymore. She might've thanked her mentally a few times too many.

She made her way behind multiple bookcases, whispering to Spencer about where they were. Apparently, the library was enormous. They reassured her that they were on the top floor and that the windows there were barricaded.

Karma spotted a balcony and climbed the stairs attached to them. As soon as she caught sight of them walking towards her, she jogged and hugged them tightly. She explained that Carrie had stayed back even though they must've heard it through the connection. They sat at the back on couches filled with paper ripped from books and debris. Most of them were damaged, the fluff overflowing from where they were ripped open, but there was one that looked untouched by anything as if kept in good condition by someone. These were signs that there'd been survivors and that they'd stayed a long time before leaving. Or dying, but Karma would rather not think about that. They shoved everything laying on the couch onto the floor and sprawled, glad to be out of danger for a while, although still anxious to find Hail and Pandora.

Carrie reassured them that the X had gone down the street towards their previous location and that she hadn't seen any others. That didn't mean they could bring their guard down, they still had to make it back to the Shelter alive, but at least they knew they wouldn't get devoured yet.

"Personally," Flair started. "I think we should try and connect with the others as fast as possible and try to get out and back to the Shelter before nightfall."

"We shouldn't spend the night here unless necessary. Oberon could get worried and send a rescue team and we don't need to endanger more people," Karma added softly, shifting on the couch to let Carrie sit down.

"Now all we have to do is wait for the others and hope they know the rendezvous point."

**xx-xx**

"Hello?" Karma sat up immediately. She recognised that voice.

"Panda? That you?" Karma rushed to the balcony and to her relief there stood Pandora, hair dishevelled, Helmet lost, and suit ripped in some places, but alive.

"Karma? Are the others here?" Karma could hear her sobbing of relief. "I'm so glad I found you guys."

"Guys, Panda's here," She went back to shake them awake before rushing back to the balcony.

Karma motioned at Pandora to come over, before noticing her limp and red spot on one of her legs and instead immediately going to help her.

"What happened?" She rushed out as soon as she got close to her. She scanned her face for signs of any bad head injury and brought her arm around the injured girl, taking some of her weight off her leg.

"I'm okay," Pandora spoke in a tight voice. "Is Hail here?"

"I thought he was with you?" Karma's mood was dramatically dampened.

Pandora buried her face in one of her hands, hiding in shame.

"We got separated."

Karma shushed her softly, holding her a bit tighter.

"It's okay, let's get you fixed up first, we'll find him don't worry."

It was a struggle going up the stairs, but Spencer was there to help lift Pandora. Once she was on the couch and was being bandaged with the minimal first aid kit brought by Flair, Karma decided it was a good time to start piecing a couple of events together.

"What happened?" Okay, so maybe it wasn't the best question to ask, but its vagueness made it possible for Pandora to choose what she wanted to tell them and made sure Karma wasn't taking on a sensitive subject.

"I followed Hail and we both went into side streets, not stopping until we reached this rubble. He crawled under and I tried to follow but..." she stopped, swallowing loudly. "I tripped and broke my Helmet. That's how I injured my leg. I was so scared of the X that I just hid behind the closest wall. The X almost saw me but Hail, he-" she cut herself off, tears trickling out of her eyes.

Karma went to comfort her, but she slapped her outstretched hand away.

"Hail grabbed the X's attention!" she was full-on crying now. "He distracted it and put himself in danger because I was weak, pathetic, and _tripped_!"

Everyone was quiet except for the heart-wrenching sobs fighting their way out of Pandora. Karma grabbed Pandora, tucking her in her neck, partly to muffle the sounds, partly for comfort.

"Whilst he was running away, he kept screaming 'THE LIBRARY, THE LIBRARY' before-" A hiccup. "And then I couldn't hear him anymore. I tried to find him, I did! But he was gone before I could catch up."

Karma was lost, she didn't know what to do. How could you comfort a girl who had just lost her only blood link left alive?

"I didn't know what to do. I stumbled across the library whilst searching for Hail," Karma hadn't realised that now the tears were changing to ones of relief. "I'm so glad I found you guys, I was so scared-"

She was cut off when Flair suddenly joined the hug. It took Pandora a while to process but once she did, she was hugging Flair back just as hard. The others joined in as well, and they stayed silent for a second, just breathing. Just existing.

"I thought you guys might've left without me," Karma caught her mumbling to Flair.

Rage encased her. Who put a fifteen-year-old in this situation, fighting for her life, scared to death? She cursed the government for these killer machines, these monsters roaming the streets. She cursed Oberon for making them search Ghost towns when he knew the danger, cursed him for putting an already traumatised girl on the search team.

Angry at the world, she hugged Pandora a bit tighter. She might have used a bit too much force, but she wanted her to know they were here for her, in case something happened again.

"It's my fault, I'm sorry," Spencer mumbled ashamed. "If it wasn't for my arguing we would've never come across the X and-"

"Shut up, you idiot," Carrie told him harshly. "We would have been in trouble no matter what. It's not your fault, it's not mine, it's no one's. We need to concentrate on surviving right now, not fighting each other on who's to blame. We're all in this shitty situation. We either all work as one, or we die. So shut up. We'll find Hail, I promise."

**xx-xx**

He was nowhere to be found. And neither were the X's.

The streets were completely empty except for them. They looked everywhere, searching every shop corner, looking even in the woods outside, but soon enough it started getting dark and Karma had to make a decision for the team.

"We have to get back before night time. Just because we haven't seen anymore X's doesn't mean they won't appear when the sun sets," Karma hated the next words that left her mouth. They tasted bitter and made her feel filthy. "We have to go back to the Shelter."

"No way!" They all shushed Pandora, but it did nothing to soothe her anger. "We can't leave Hail here."

"We have to go now, or we won't make it back," Flair told her, resting a hand on her shoulder. Pandora shoved it off.

"No, I'll stay here the whole night if I have to." She glared at them fiercely, daring them to defy her. "He's my brother. We don't abandon each other. Family sticks together."

"No, you won't," Karma stood in front of her, looking her straight in the eyes. How dare she question her authority? "I'll bring you back by force if I have to."

"Maybe he's already at the Shelter," Spencer tried smoothing the situation over by reassuring her, although he planted a false hope in everyone. The possibility was small, almost nonexistent, but it was plausible. "Imagine seeing him in our dorm, banged up but okay."

Karma hated Spencer and the hope he gave her. It would break Pandora's heart if she didn't see him coming back. She hated the situation, but at the same time, this might be the only way to convince her.

"Okay," it was soft, but there. Everyone let out a sigh of relief at the same time. "Okay, I'll go."

And so they travelled back to the Shelter. They alternated between carrying Pandora, wincing every time the small girl let out a small cry. And when they got there, rushed to the infirmary and ambushed by Oberon, Karma swallowed hard and let out the question everyone wanted the answer to.

"Is Hail here?"

They had to put Pandora under anaesthesia when she went ballistic and grabbed her knife and they had to sit there and watch as Spencer's slash wound had to be stitched closed afterwards. It didn't stop him from holding Pandora's hand in both of his gently whilst she slept. They left them alone, with their raining eyes and hiccuping sobs.

**xx-xx**

He didn't come the next day, or the day after that.

And Karma's world slowly went monochrome.

Her first thought was that her System was shutting down. Everyone was given their own System when they are born. It was a small device installed somewhere in their brain, Karma knew that she'd learnt about it at school, but she didn't remember anything from before the X day anymore. The device allowed them to connect to the International Online Database. It stored all their information, height, weight, age, location. It allowed them to see in the dark, go online and talk to anyone, it acted like- what was it again, that old device that her Grandma used to have?- a phone!

You could tell who had been there when Systems were introduced, from the three dots under their left eye, blinking blue. Her moms had them, but her grandmother didn't. Some people in their generation hadn't gotten them before their third birthday, and after that age, your brain was too developed to receive a System. It was rare, but Karma used to have a girl in her class who had had problems as a baby and couldn't get them in time. Helmets had been created for those who didn't have a system, but it wasn't exactly the same. For one, you couldn't store your information, in case it was stolen, but it did allow you to communicate, use the Web, and do your homework or work.

The thing about Systems is that they had to be charged. But it had been a while since anyone in the Shelter could charge. Almost all the stations in the country were broken. To save the energy on their systems, they shut them down and instead had managed to find Helmets for missions, discarding and getting more when they ran out of battery. You could see everyone's Systems slowly dying, as the dots under their eyes shifted from blue to red. It had been a while since Karma had seen a system that was any other colour than red or purple.

So when Karma's world started slowly going black and white, she realised that it wouldn't be long before her System totally shut down. All her logs with data and memories saved online, gone. She would never be able to access her storage, and see her moms smile as she relived the day she graduated, never be able to open her chat logs with her friends, wondering what happened to them after the X day, never be able to access the Internet, although that had already failed months ago.

And that was even worse than losing her coloured vision.


	2. The Paint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 2. Let's get the show on the road.
> 
> \- Tyler
> 
> Once again for clarification, xx-xx is in the 'normal' or 'up-to-date' timeline and oo-oo is for the flashbacks or 'old' timeline.
> 
> (DON'T read below if you want no spoilers, but DO read if you want warnings for triggers)
> 
> There's suicide, amputation, suicidal thoughts, death, gore, mental instability, and a suicide attempt. If at any point, you don't feel comfortable, stop reading and stay safe.

**oo-oo**

A black canvas. A brand new black canvas for Karma to splatter her colours on.

She chose a neon palette. The vibrant colours called to her as if to celebrate the fact that she could live a bright and happy life. She'd recently had gotten an invite to a nearby art school through a showcase and she couldn't believe her luck. It felt as if her heart was being squeezed too tightly as if her excitement was coming out of every single pore on her body. She felt invincible, a bird flying through the sky, free to choose any direction she pleased. She couldn't believe someone had seen her black canvas dotted with paint and hours of dedication, had seen into her bare soul through her painting and decided she was worthy enough, that she had enough talent to make it in the real world. She couldn't believe that her six-year-old self had managed to go from stick figures to being invited to an actual art school.

This was proof that it wasn't just a hobby. She could actually get into a good school, find a job, and use her passion as her career. She was so lucky. And so incredibly happy. She had proved everyone who believed in her that thanks to them, she finally did it.

She grabbed the brightest yellow paint she found and let herself go wild.

**xx-xx**

Pandora eventually soldiered on.

She locked herself in their bunker's bathroom for a day, until they had to break it open because she had to eat and they couldn't let her be selfish when they also needed to use the space. She'd gone mute for days, not speaking to anyone. They'd assigned someone to her when she'd tried to go back to the Ghost town the morning after they came back. She'd thrown a tantrum and had almost caught the attention of an X, but luckily Oberon had managed to drag her back in quickly, and they'd brought her to the furthest room underground, praying that the X's wouldn't hear her scream murder.

Spencer had slapped some sense into her, literally. Out of all of them, he understood how losing a brother felt. Karma had left them alone to talk it out, and when Pandora came back out, she had bloodshot eyes, but she was silent and she immediately asked Oberon to switch to helping the medics instead of going on scouting missions.

Spencer never left Pandora's side after that, except for missions. It seemed he'd forgiven her for the knife wound, and she'd latched onto him after she lost Hail. Karma could only wish that she had anyone left that she loved. The Shelter was the closest thing she could call a family, but it wasn't the same. No-one would die for her. Just as she wouldn't die for anyone. They were all scared to death, hoping that they would still be breathing in a few hours, and they all wanted to make it out alive.

Karma threw herself at any and every mission. She just wanted to find a portal and go far, far, away from here.

They lost one more person in two weeks.

And in the month after that, three.

They lost three of the bodies to the X's and managed to salvage one. The last one, they found in the bathroom, gun laying innocently on the ground surrounded by a puddle of crimson, a note left on the counter reading 'SAVE ONE PERSON: YOURSELF'. When Karma heard the news, she laughed at the irony. That same girl had been rescued a few days earlier from an X's grasp. She'd complained about her System malfunctioning since the experience. Karma guessed she couldn't handle the trauma and had left the world of the living by her own hand. How Karma wished her spot could've been given to one of the others that had fought to their last breath, someone who had actually wanted to live, to survive, to make it through that goddamn portal.

Even when Karma laughed hysterically, she wondered why it still hurt. Why after everything that happened, she was still feeling. She wished she could fall asleep and wake up the next day in her own bed, with her mor singing loudly in the kitchen, her brother jumping up and down on her bed, too hyper for seven in the morning, and her momma opening her curtains, laughing at the two siblings.

But they were all dead, and she was left here, alone and afraid. And she was standing there, watching as they threw another limp body into the garbage dump they'd found, the smell burning her nose, and her heart heavy in her chest, still not ready to say goodbye to the dead.

Karma always thought they called towns infested with X's Haunted towns because the machines roamed the streets with their moans and groans, but Karma realised they called them Haunted towns because the dead never really did leave. They stayed, what was left of their decaying bodies and lives forever in that small corner of the world.

She told her momma that, the next time she visited her, and when she got no reply, she knew she didn't need one. Karma knew that her mom's ghost was going to wander here forever, endlessly bemoaning what happened to her, even though Karma couldn't see her, and that was enough of an answer.

**oo-oo**

"Momma? Mor? Is that Raine?" Karma yells from the top of the stairs, sending a message to her best friend in case her moms hadn't heard her.

"Where's my favourite shortcake?" she hears a familiar voice yell back. Karma runs down the stairs to see her whole group of friends crammed in the entrance corridor.

"Hey! I thought I was your favourite?" a deeper voice argues, indignant and demanding.

"Nah, fam, you're just short," Raine shrugs. "Better luck next life."

Derrick, the owner of the deep voice, has such an offended look on his face that Karma can't help but laugh.

"What's everyone doing here?" Karma chuckles confused. "I thought it was going to be just us two going to the cinema?"

"Damn, you really thought we would leave you alone for your birthday?" Sergio mocks her, coming over to hug her tightly. "Happy birthday, artista."

Karma blushes, clearly aware of the muscles on his back. She tried not to seem as if she's groping him, but before she can second doubt her movements, she's already passed into Derrick's arms.

"You've finally caught up to me! I'm so proud of you!" Derrick croons out, trying his best to ruffle Karma's head.

"I'm two days younger!"

"Happy birthday, my favourite shortcake," Raine sends a smirk to Derrick, before swinging her arms around Karma. "You ready to rock and roll?"

"Where are we going?" Karma knows better than to think they'd be going to the movies after they'd all bothered showing up.

Derrick says "It's for me to know and you to find out" at the same time Sergio replied with "Glow It".

"Whoops," Sergio corrects himself, a fake innocent grin on his lips. "Was it supposed to be a secret?"

"You're hopeless," Raine tells him. "I'll never tell you who my crush is."

"You promised!" he exclaims confusedly. "I won that bet."

"Wait, wait, wait," Karma cuts their argument off, what Sergio just spilt out hitting her. "Are we really going to Glow It?"

"Who do you take us for? Of course, we are," Raine rolls her eyes. "And you call us your friends, woman."

Karma let out one of the largest screeches you would ever hear. She saw all her group simultaneously wince then wheeze as they got strangled into a hug by her.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she pushes out in one breath. She adds an extra squeal to let out the last of her overexcitement, before getting herself under control. She smoothes the wrinkles out of her clothes and quickly glances into the mirror hung in the corridor to see if she looks proper.

Glow It was a glow-in-the-dark art gallery a couple of hours away from her house. It had opened a few months ago by one of her favourite artists that she followed on the International Online Database (or IOD as they called it), and Karma had been trying to convince her parents to drive her there for ages, even saying they could take the trip expenses out of her own pocket money but they'd told her time and time again to wait. She'd looked at all the pictures online and was constantly following what was happening with new art and concepts.

"Let's go!" She yelled out, grabbing the closest appendages she could find and dragging them with her out the door. She could hear her friends amused laughs, but she was too happy to even be offended by them.

They drove for several hours, Sergio had gotten his driver's license a month back as soon as he'd turned eighteen, and Karma was vibrating with eagerness the whole time. It felt so dangerous, going out with no adult supervision. They'd gone as far as the next town over before, so driving to the next state was a big deal.

When Karma stood in front of the impressive building she'd stared at obsessively for hours behind her System, she had to double-check that she'd put it on rest mode and that she was actually in person at the gallery.

As soon as they walked in, their senses were attacked by the neon colours. The art was everywhere. On the door handles, on the ceilings, marking roads on the floor. At the information desk (which was in a bright green shade, along with blue mandala designs), they got their instructions on what setting to put their system on during the gallery, as to not disturb the other viewers. Karma rushed to get it done, she could already see some of the glow paint in the shape of an arrow pointing in the direction of a door in the corner of the room. Once the receptionist had given them the signal, Karma half ran on the path marked clearly on the floor in neon yellow. She put her hand on the handle, not sure if her heart was ready to handle the elation. Her choice was taken away when Derrick put his hand on hers and opened the door.

Karma had never been this speechless.

Each section of the gallery portrayed different settings. One was a dome with galaxies and billions of stars painted on the ceiling. The dome rotated, as to show every constellation. The next environment was under the sea. Creatures of all sizes, of all types, splatter behind a glass wall. When you swiped the glass wall, as Karma read on the internet, you could go deeper into the rest of the ocean. It was so much more immersive in person. The glass was smooth under her hand as she dragged it from down to up, seeing the fish change to sharks. She studied the dried paint, trying to remember as many colour combinations and textures she could. Her brain was overflowing with admiration and inspiration.

There were many more rooms. One where it gave the illusion that it was raining, and where you could actually press a button to make waterfall from the ceiling. Even with blurry vision, the constant repetition of droplets drawn all over the setting impressed Karma. Another section showed different aliens races, with their respective representative flags. Karma could recognize some of the types and others were brand new, just recently discovered. There was one room where it portrayed the current world in inverted colours, which disturbed Karma greatly. It felt familiar, yet unsettling at the same time. Some rooms were based on moments in the artist's lives. A colour, an experience, an emotion. Those rooms were usually experimental, only vague shapes and ideas made to try and pass on the certain feeling the artist got to its viewers. Karma couldn't believe how her emotions and feelings could change, just by stepping into another painted universe. She glanced at her friends' faces, glad to see she wasn't the only one mesmerized.

The final room was clearly the show stopper. Karma had never seen pictures of it before on the IOD and she was suddenly glad she hadn't.

Destruction. Everywhere.

It seemed like something out of a night terror. There were obstacles and half walls all over the room. Peeking nervously around some corners, Karma discovered terrifying monsters painted with intricate details, people cowering in corners, their fear sending a pang of horror in Karma's heart. The place the monsters were chasing people in was trashed. Run-down skyscrapers, abandoned shops, litter on the floor. Karma was witnessing the death of a city, of a population. For a second, Karma forgot that she was in an art gallery, instead sent years in the future, when their world would become a dystopian landscape.

"Karma?"

The mentioned girl jumped out of her skin, turning to face the voice. Raine, usually so outspoken, looked sombre in front of this scene. They had a second of respect, before Raine held her hand out for Karma to take, and led her out of the room.

"Derrick and Sergio have already headed out a couple of minutes ago. They were really freaked out by it," Raine explained, once they were back in normal lighting, with lights overhead, and not plunged in the dark like the past two hours. It felt weird seeing the quotidian scenery after all the past fantastical rooms. The four of them took a breather, turning their Systems back to their usual settings and taking out water bottles from their backpack.

"That last room was–" Karma couldn't find a word to describe it, still under the oppressing atmosphere. The true terror she'd seen had unsettled something in her heart and she suddenly felt uneasy for the future. Something in that scene had rung bells in her brain as if it was telling her to brace herself. She didn't feel so untouchable by the world anymore.

"You know I love you guys," she said, almost desperate to make sure they knew, scared she wouldn't get another chance.

No one replied, but Sergio leaned his head against hers, Raine's hand was still in hers, and Derrick leaned onto her legs and Karma understood.

"What a birthday," Raine grumbled out jokingly. Derrick snorted loudly and the mood passed like a bad storm that couldn't linger.

**xx-xx**

"Attention everyone!" Karma stayed with her head bowed, looking down at the pathetic portion of oatmeal she'd gotten this morning. What did Oberon want this time?

"We still haven't found a portal, but it is soon going to mark the eighth X cycle since the one here opened, and I'm hoping it might again. We shouldn't lose hope, and we should keep searching this town for the exit! We should not let all the people that died be in vain. Let's fight to escape this country, I know we can make it."

No one was really listening. They got the same speech every day, and every day it got less and less believable.

"I was there the last time a portal opened." Karma slowly lifted her eyes. That had caught the attention of everyone. Oberon never wanted to talk about what happened last time a portal was opened here. "I know most of you don't believe they exist, but I've seen one. We never made it through as the X's had followed us, but I saw it."

Oberon looked heartbroken, staring at the back wall. His eyes showed all the horror that had happened that day. The day Karma's mom stopped coming home.

"I saw it," he repeats brokenly. "It has to exist. We're going to get out."

For all Karma knew, it was a lie. In the beginning of the invasion of the X's, the rest of the world cut the United States of America off, afraid that the damage would spread even further around the continent. That same day, they sealed the fates of all the people in the country, locked with the X's with no way to escape. However, the International Board of Countries opened portals in the USA that would teleport survivors to safe havens in France, Canada, and other countries. Unfortunately, the governments of the countries started closing them down after a few months, when it became clear that most of the USA were now dead. There were rumours that a few portals were still open, but it was getting harder to believe. Karma never let herself get hopeful, bracing herself to living life here forever, probably dying in the next few years in any case.

"We'll make it out," Oberon suddenly looked strong and like the leader he was supposed to be once again. "I promise you."

**xx-xx**

It was a long day.

Another disappointing trip out. This time, not for a portal, but for resources. It was getting harder and harder to find food, and they were desperately low on medical supplies. They'd found a couple of plasters, but Karma doubted that it would stop Carmen's fifteen-centimetre long wound from bleeding. They'd also found a couple of canned goods, only a few days past their expiration date. It should be enough for this evening, but they needed to find more in the next few days or they would sooner die of hunger rather than X's.

Karma collapsed on her shared bed with Flair. They'd both been on the mission along with two older used-to-be-college students. They'd all gone straight to their room afterwards to sleep for a few hours before dinner time. Flair threw herself on Pandora and Hail's bed, as they weren't using it. They usually split up into different beds when they could, especially during the day, as it was always easier to sleep alone than trying to fit two adults in a single person bed.

Karma fell asleep almost immediately, not bothering with changing clothes. She'd take a shower and care for her old injuries later. For now, she needed to sleep.

She was pulled out of slumber what felt like minutes after, but it probably wasn't, when someone crept under the covers with her. She opened her eyes into slits, just to see Flair shuffling. Karma waited until she stopped moving and then slung her arms around Flair. A few months back, they'd devised a way to fit both of them on the bed. It also helped that it kept them warm through the night.

Karma didn't ask why Flair had come to her bed when she could have one for herself. Night frights were common here, and Karma was glad Flair felt safer sleeping with her. Karma tucked Flair closer to her, hoping that if she could feel her heartbeat through her chest, it would lull her to sleep.

They were woken up later by Pandora gently shaking them. They had twenty minutes before it was dinner time.

Karma thanked her, dragging her sore body to the showers. Flair stayed in bed a bit longer, promising to tell people she was in the shower, as since the incident with the girl a few days back, they weren't allowed to close bathrooms anymore. Karma thanked her, sighing when her body met the cold water. They had less than thirty seconds under the shower, and this tiny block of hand soap they used to clean the most important places, and that was it. They'd ran out of warm water months ago, so now they collected rainwater, stored it and purified it the best they could with the products they found left in abandoned shops, and that was their shower water. Karma guessed she should be glad that she could still wash.

She dressed in her indoor clothing, that she never wore outside. This stopped them from being too dirty or having to wash them often. They were ripped in some places, but they were the best things she owned.

After Flair had showered, and they'd gone by the makeshift hospital they'd made to get some alcohol for a minor cut Flair had gotten on her calf, they went to eat.

Dried beans and a spoonful of white rice. Karma was happy that they'd found something today, or it would've been a day since she'd last eaten. She ate as slow as she could, talking with Flair, Spencer, Carrie, and Pandora. Since that first mission altogether, they'd only grown closer. They were about the same age, with Pandora being the smallest at fifteen and Spencer the oldest at nineteen. They were also in the same room since they'd relocated a while back. Spencer and Carrie had been in another room with other people but Pandora, Hail, Karma, and Flair were already in the same room. Pandora asked a while back for Spencer to move in with them when Pandora found herself alone in her bed at night, the empty space next to her only reinforcing the disappearance of her brother. Carrie naturally followed so she wasn't alone which meant they naturally bumped into each other a lot more often. They'd also gone on a few more missions together, and Karma could probably tell you more about how Carrie wielded a gun and what she sounded like when she'd been cut than what her favourite food or colour was.

"What's your favourite colour, Carrie?" Karma asked, suddenly intrigued.

Carrie frowned in confusion. It had been a while since someone had been treated normally.

"Purple," Carrie replied softly after a moment. "It was the colour of the walls in my room."

"Mine's pink," declared Pandora, seemingly satisfied with the small talk. It felt nice to not think about death for a minute. "It's not a girly colour. It's bold and it represents confidence."

Karma smiled at the small girl. Yeah, she seemed like the type of person to like pink.

"Team blue here," Flair stated boldly. "I don't care if it's standard. You can fight me on it."

Everyone shook their heads immediately.

"Blue's okay," the fifteen-year-old continued, approving Flair. " Let me guess, Spencer's one of those weird people who like green."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, offended. "It's a perfectly valid colour!"

"Yeah," Carrie agreed. "Perfectly valid for _weirdos_."

Karma snorted at the pout Spencer now sported on his face.

"I like gold," Karma shrugged. "It's for royalty."

"Right," Pandora sarcasm wasn't missed with the rolling of her eyes.

"Karma the Queen has a nice ring to it, no?" mentioned girl asked, smirking.

"I called dibs on Princess!" Pandora immediately replied, despite Carrie's groan.

"No fair! I'm way more suited to be a princess," the blonde girl complained.

"Don't fight, girls," Spencer held his hands up, silencing them. "We all know I'm the princess here."

They were stunned into silence, but Spencer continued.

"I have the luscious blonde locks, the forest green eyes, the beautiful eyelashes," he kept going on and on and soon enough the rest of the dining hall was turning towards them, not believing the sounds they were hearing.

It'd been weeks since someone last laughed.

They continued the conversation, and soon enough Karma knew that Pandora used to watch Dance Moms religiously, that Carrie used to own a horse, that Spencer could play three instruments, and Flair liked driving cars. She learnt that Carrie had an emo phase, that Pandora hated the smell of oranges, that Flair could touch her nose with her tongue and that Spencer wanted to become a cowboy when he was younger.

Their fun got cut off soon enough, as Oberon tapped his foot on a wooden box to get everyone's attention.

"I don't want to ruin the good mood, but I have announcements to make for tomorrow."

_A bit too late for that, _Karma thought to herself, feeling her smile slowly fade to be replaced by her usual scowl.

"We're running low on food, as you know, so I'm afraid I have to send a group to a nearby Ghost town tomorrow to search for supermarkets."

"You don't _have_ to do anything!" Karma hissed angrily, her chair tipping backwards as she stood up. She ignored the rest of the people as their heads snapped to look at her. "You don't have to do anything because you're injured. Yeah, it's so much easier to send kids out to get killed, right?"

"Karma-" Carrie tried to soothe her, laying her hand on her shoulder, but Karma shook her off.

"No! I've had enough!" Karma's voice rose, fuelled by her rage against the world, her fear for her life every single second of the day. "Does the name Hail ring a bell?"

Karma ignored the gasps, staring Oberon straight in the eyes.

"Got nothing to say?" she taunted, her face twisting into something ugly. "You're all talk aren't you?"

"That's enough Karma," the called girl turned her head, looking at who spoke. "Don't talk about Hail that way. He's still alive."

Her heart twinged with guilt as she felt Pandora's handshake when she grabbed Karma's. Pandora pulled her down, hugging her as if she was the one who needed comfort.

Karma hadn't realised she was crying. She wiped her eyes, ignoring the looks of pity.

She only heard static, though she could see Oberon keep talking, and she felt the vibrations coming from Pandora's chest as she softly hummed. But the static went on.

Soon enough, they could go back to their rooms. Flair grabbed Karma's unoccupied hand. She looked nervous as if Karma would start talking about dead people and failed missions again.

Karma frowned as she stared at the back of Flair's head when she got dragged behind. What was her hair colour again? It wasn't black, was it?

With the static droning in her ears, Karma was left alone with her thoughts. She felt like there was a big clue right in front of her, but she didn't even know what she was trying to figure out.

Karma was laid down softly on her bed, and Flair's lips were moving, but she focused instead on his hand rubbing her cheek, right where her System dots were.

System.

_Oh right._

Karma laughed wetly.

Her System had finally shut down. That's why she couldn't hear or see properly.

When she was younger (she couldn't access the memory anymore, but her brain had remembered it for her luckily), she'd once asked why some people were disabled. Not in a bad way, but with childlike curiosity. Her mor had said something about some people refusing the System and that it affected their senses. When your brain grew and developed with the System, it becomes dependent on it and the System altered some of your senses to improve them. That meant that when you rejected the System, the parts your senses were relying on shutting down as well. Most people lost their vision, their memory, or their hearing, depending on what they were relying on the most to fix little problems they had, for example using it to fix their vision instead of glasses or to study for tests. Some others, who had never relied on the System, could reject it and come out unscathed. The brain would, over a certain amount of time, reprogram itself to be able to work without System, but it usually took a while. The older you were when you rejected the System, the less likely your brain would recover.

That was what was happening to Karma. Her System had lost all its battery.

She knew she relied on it for her colour blindness and she'd used it to enhance her hearing since she'd been a child, which explained why her body was now confused and trying to adapt.

She was shaken out of her thoughts when an object was gently placed on her head. All the noise came back suddenly and it felt like being hit by a brick. Times ten.

"Could you nod if you hear us?" Carrie demanded, fidgeting with the commands on the Helmet that had just been placed on her temples.

Karma nodded, ready to talk, but quickly bit her lip, wondering if she should confirm what she thought had happened.

"Your System failed," Spencer told her, sitting down next to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "You can use the Helmet to communicate for now, but you should probably try and get your brain used to working without it."

Karma nodded, throat dry, fatigue crashing into her. She was ready for this endless day to be over.

"Did anything else change apart from your hearing?" Carrie asked her, switching to her medical mother mode, or MMM as Pandora like to call it.

"My vision," Karma cleared her throat when it came out groggy. "It's black and white now."

Carrie sighed, relieved.

"Not a big problem. We can't do anything about it though unless we charge your System. Which, I don't mean to disappoint but I'm sure you already know, we can't do."

Now that that problem was solved and discussed, everyone's gaze turned threatening.

"Now, I know you think what you did back there was brave and right, and we appreciate you standing, but that was in no reality the way to do it," Carrie berated.

"I know you're frustrated and no one here deserves what's happening, but we can't split the Shelter up that way. If we fight, we'll only strengthen the X's. We need to stick together, and stay diplomatic," Carrie lowered her voice, checking for something or someone, then continued. "You can't mention Hail like that in front of Pandora. She doesn't need her brother's death thrown into her face that carelessly."

Karma realised Carrie had a point, but right now she felt like she was about to collapse from exhaustion. Her eyelids were closing by themselves and she could feel her brain going foggy.

Luckily, Flair noticed and told the others to leave her alone. Karma took off the Helmet, setting it on the ground next to the bed, where she could grab it in an emergency. The static appeared again, like a faithful dog, and Karma winced. It was going to take time to get used to.

She fell asleep quickly enough. Sleep plunged her into her mind's deepest fears and desires, spinning a fake existence before her eyes. She dreamed about her birthday last year, the way she'd hugged Raine when she'd bought her new paintbrushes from her favourite art store on the other side of town, her delicious cake with terrible icing from her mor, her momma snapping so many photos incognito with her System, her cat glaring at her instead of scratching her, her brother climbing on her back, ruffling her hair.

She went to the bathroom to reapply lipstick that was wiped off from eating cake. She checked in the mirror if there was anything stuck in her teeth, and went back out.

They were all corpses. Her momma was laying in the same position as ever, head facing the wrong direction. Raine was hanging from a rope attached to the ceiling, face drained of blood. She saw what looked like her brother's detached leg resting on the sofa. Her mor was nowhere to be seen, probably fled far far away.

Karma woke up, breath lodged in her throat. She couldn't breathe. _She couldn't breathe. _She fumbled blindly for the Helmet, carelessly throwing it around her neck and latching it onto her temples.

She listened as sounds came back to her, the soft breathing of Flair who somehow had not woken up, Pandora's snores, and Carrie's soft murmuring. She tried to calm her heartbeat, taking deep gulps of air.

_I'm okay, _she convinced herself. _Everything's alright._

She kept on breathing, listening to the soft whispering of Carrie and Spencer. It lulled her back to a semi-peaceful state. It distracted her brain from the images it had conjured, all in black and white.

"I don't want to go to the Ghost towns tomorrow," Karma heard Carrie tell Spencer. Ah, so Oberon was still going through with it and Carrie was on the team.

"I'll protect you every step of the way," Spencer swore to her. "You don't need to be afraid. There won't be any X's, it's a charge day tomorrow."

That would be a good time for Karma to visit her mom, she mused.

"Promise?" Carrie sounded so small, more like the teenager she was.

"I promise," Spencer's voice was shaky at best, but as they mumbled 'I love you's' to each other, Karma knew Spencer would kill any X's for Carrie.

Karma wondered if that was what the term _survival_ meant. Not just living through the difficulties thrown your way, but keeping your humanity and loving despite the world telling you it meant nothing. Not just existing, but breathing, feeling, laughing.

And Karma wondered, wondered, and wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Please tell me what you thought of it and leave kudos :)
> 
> \- Tyler


	3. The Black Canvas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your weekly dose of The Shelter :)
> 
> \- Tyler
> 
> Once again for clarification, xx-xx is in the 'normal' or 'up-to-date' timeline and oo-oo is for the flashbacks or 'old' timeline.
> 
> (DON'T read below if you want no spoilers, but DO read if you want warnings for triggers)
> 
> There's suicide, amputation, suicidal thoughts, death, gore, mental instability, and a suicide attempt. If at any point, you don't feel comfortable, stop reading and stay safe.

**oo-oo**

"I'll be back soon, elskede," Karma's mor kisses her head tenderly. "Be an angel for your momma."

"I always am, who do you take me for?" Karma replies teasingly, faking being annoyed.

"Bye Mor!" Karma's brother launches himself at their mother. "Come back really soon because I have a football match next week and you promised!"

"Of course, skatt," their mor reassured him. "I'll be back in two days. It's just a small business trip, I'll be bored soon enough and will come back."

Karma hugged her mor one last time, breathing in the sweet scent of her platinum blond hair. She then quickly let go, lest her brother calls her sentimental again. She was just... affectionate, okay?

"Bye, love," Rikke, that silly nugget, slaps his hands on his eyes as their mothers kiss. "See you soon."

The door slams with a finality no one expected.

Karma goes back to her room to continue her painting for a few tranquil hours, bathing in her art, until her brother comes and bothers her.

"Will you play VirtuAll with me?" Rikke whines, snaking his arms around her shoulders. Karma gasps as she almost paints a misplaced stroke. As revenge, she twists her brush around and hits her brother in the face. He, sadly, doesn't let her go.

"Come on, you promised yesterday, and you're still drawing that creepy woman."

"First of all, she's not creepy, she's just..." Karma trails off, looking at her painting. That woman did look creepy, didn't she? "Anyways, second of all, I'm in a funk and need to finish this whilst I'm in the mood."

"But you promised!" Her brother counteracts, drawing out the 'o'. He pokes a paint splatter on her face, scratching it off. "Pretty please with a cherry on the top?"

Karma made the mistake of looking at him, and his damned angelic smile, and sighed heavily.

"You're really annoying," she tells him off, but still gets off her chair, going to her projector.

As her brother runs to his own room to turn his projector on, Karma grabs the opportunity to check her messages.

A quasi-realistic version of Raine appears on her projector and Karma plays her message.

"Hey, shortcake!" Her image wavers and Karma frowns. That's unusual. She checks the connection symbol, but it's at a hundred per cent. Karma shrugs it off. "I was thinking of going to see the remake of Cindrel later on this week but you said you are at an expo this Friday, right? So let me know if you can instead of Saturday."

Raine breaks down into particles and fades off the projector. Karma figures she can reply when they see each other at school tomorrow.

A message pops up in the corner of her vision. It's a call from Sergio's system. Karma accepts it, hoping her brother won't be too mad at her if she talks to him. It must be important if it couldn't wait for tomorrow.

The projector loads and Karma bursts out laughing when Sergio's form is projected upside down as if he's hanging off something.

"Karma send help! I'm being tortured by Derrick! KARMA!" Karma can't stop laughing as the projected version of Sergio is whipped around and is seemingly tickled by Derrick if his shrieking is anything to go by.

"Karma, we're neighbours, stop being lazy I can see you in your room watching us," Sergio threatens through his invisible fight with his torturer. His speech comes out in segments between laughs. "Come help me beat Derrick!"

Karma walks to her window and Sergio bangs on him when he sees her form. He's mouthing words that Karma can't read, and she sees Derrick pulling his feet from under him. Sergio makes a praying sign, and Karma lifts her shoulders in the universal motion of 'Well what can you do'. Sergio flips her off and Karma can still hear him begging Derrick for a truce in the background on her projector as well as trying to curse her off simultaneously.

Suddenly, the noise cuts off and Karma immediately goes to check what's wrong. That's the second time. Is her system breaking down? She'd never heard of that happening. She's checking her projector for problems when she's knocked off her feet by her house shaking. Her head bangs against the floor, and she's thankful for her carpet.

"Momma? What's going on?" Karma shouts, running to her window. Sergio and Derrick are already waiting for her there. Karma signs to him, but she barely gets two words through before she falls back down.

When she gets back up, she doesn't see them at the window anymore. Her brother rushes into her room and grabs her hand with his. He's shaking and Karma pulls him after her down the stairs to where their mom was supposed to be cooking their dinner.

"Momma?" Rikke whimpers out. They both hurry to the kitchen and sigh in relief when they see their mom looking out the window to the street.

"Mom?" Karma calls out, repeating when she doesn't react. "Mom!"

Their mother jumps, turning around to face them. Her face is pale, and a bruise is forming on her cheekbone, probably from one of the shakes. She pulls the curtains closed frantically, ripping them when the catch on a hook.

"What's happening?" Karma asks, afraid from the way their mom is acting.

"We need to go to the garage," is all she replies, already pushing them in the direction. "Grab as much food and drinks as you can. I'm going to go get other things."

"Momma, what's happening?" Rikke repeats. "I can't turn my System on."

Just then, an alarm rings out. It's the city's warning system, blaring from the speakers outside. A woman is talking in a robotic voice, informing everyone of an emergency. Karma's mother is still rushing about gathering things, and her brother starts to cry, holding her hand still. Karma has enough. She walks to the window, opening the curtains, looking on to the street.

There was nothing that could prepare her for the sight.

Multiple metallic beasts walk down the street, heading straight in their direction. There are upturned cars and some houses are broken. Karma stands there, vulnerable in their sight, and watches as one of the monsters strikes a person right in the heart with one of its legs. Karma lets out a gasp, shaking herself out of her shock, closing the curtains. She grabs her brother by the arms, kneeling in front of him.

"Go to the garage, Rikke," she tells him firmly. "I'll be right behind you."

He nods, rushing off to the back of the house, near the stairs.

Karma opens all her cupboards, grabbing everything she found in her arms, and when her arms are full, she let the food fall to the ground, kicking it along with her. Her mom comes a minute later, grabbing everything Karma had dropped and pushed her along. They run down the stairs, down to their basement, far from the screams and alarms.

Karma runs down the corridor, seeing all her neighbours in their complex run to their own garage. She catches sight of Sergio and his parents, Derrick right behind them. She makes eye contact with him, but it lasts a second before both of them are out of each others sight, busy with hiding themselves in their own garage.

Karma drops the food in the corner of the cold room, not minding the spiders. Her mother follows with lights and blankets, locking the door behind them. She turns off the big lamp instead turning on one of her smaller torches and setting it near Rikke.

Their breaths are loud in the isolated garage. If they listen well, they can hear scuffling behind the doors, and the faint sound of the alarm woman's voice explaining that there is an emergency.

Rikke sniffles in his corner, hiding behind his knees, and Karma goes to join him.

And she lets herself cry when their momma pulls them into her arms.

"We'll look at our supplies afterwards, we'll be okay for at least a couple of days. I'll figure out what is happening," she promises, rocking them back and forth through their tears. "I'll keep you safe."

They've got no bed, barely enough food, a torch running on batteries, and their tears to keep them company. Karma wonders how long there are going to last.

After all, who plans for an apocalypse on a Wednesday?

**xx-xx**

No one really knew how X's came to be. One day there weren't any, the next day half the population was wiped out.

All Karma knew was that they are technological monsters, fit to be the world's biggest weapon, after the splitting particle ray which could reduce any person into air particles in a millisecond. Karma realised how simple it would be to destroy an army even with one X. They were practically indestructible, perfect killing machines, only they'd turned on the government apparently. Or maybe those bastards had escaped perfectly unharmed, watching how the country was being destroyed. Maybe it was an excuse for overpopulation.

Karma remembered how the skyscrapers used to caress the clouds, how the city used to always have a constant soothing hum of cars, how the streets were always filled with the chatter of life.

Karma did another pushup, her body screaming. She had to watch every single one of her roommates go out to a Ghost town except Pandora, who went to help assist an amputation as she was swapping from scouting to a medic. Although Karma had been so against going to the Ghost town yesterday, she fought vehemently when Oberon told her that she wouldn't be going with her friends after the previous day's speech. It was this feeling crawling in her veins, making her uncomfortable, whenever she remembered how scared Flair was last time, how Spencer had cried faced with the X, how Carrie had shaken for hours even when they were back at the Shelter. So she was training, keeping the fact that the group could come back with missing members out of her mind.

Her t-shirt was completely soaked in sweat when she got back up, grabbing a staff, facing her opponent.

He was lanky, one of the new people who'd come in last week. He'd walked past the training room to see Karma working herself half to death, and had boldly asked her to teach him how to survive. Karma didn't even ask for his name.

She almost told him that this was more a type of training against other people and that it probably wouldn't do anything against X's, but his determination was admirable, and Karma would hate to see him go so fast.

So there they were, sparring against each other, as she taught him the basics. She promised to show him how to shoot a gun another time, but they couldn't practice often, even with a silencer, as to not make noise or lose valuable bullets.

"You know, you have an accent sometimes," the guy told her, after training. "But only for specific words. It's nice."

"My mor was Norwegian," Karma explained to him, glad when he didn't press for more details. How could he understand that when her mor left, she lost half of her identity, half of her culture forever. She would never get to speak her language with anyone else again.

So all Karma did the whole day was train, eat a can of beans, nap, and train more. Even when her muscles screamed at her to stop, even when she was dizzy from lack of food, sweat falling down her face like tears.

Until she heard voices coming down the hall.

She ran to help them. Spencer and Carrie were dragging a hysterical woman, Jeanine, if Karma remembered correctly, down the hall.

"We need anaesthesia now," Spencer shouted his commands over the screaming women to the people watching. "Get a medic!"

Karma ran to the infirmary, grabbing the nearest person she saw, pleading at them to come with her quick.

Jeanine was eventually restrained by four people, and carried to the infirmary, although no one could seem to shut her up.

"IT ALL MEANS NOTHING!" she laughed, her eyes dancing with a crazy glint. "THERE IS NO SAVE PLACE, THERE IS NO REST FROM THE HORROR! IT'S POINTLESS!"

Everyone paled, listening to every word she was spitting out like she was a prophet. The woman Karma had asked for help eventually drugged the screaming creature, who mumbled until she fell asleep, four words that made Karma's blood turn to ice.

"Save one person: yourself."

**xx-xx**

"What happened to her?"

Oberon had called a meeting after the earlier fiasco. The medic woman was here, along with the scout team who had gone with Jeanine, and Karma apparently. Oberon had asked her to be there. Why? She couldn't answer that herself, but she was glad she was being kept in the loop.

"We got to the Ghost town with no complications," Spencer started, looking troubled. "And we raided a few supermarkets. Most of them had already been looted, but we brought back enough for a week. I think there are more supermarkets on the other side of town, so this could actually work. We were about to head back to the shelter when Jeanine started whimpering and shaking. She was talking about getting a wavelength through her System that was making it malfunction. The rest of us had our Systems on sleep mode to conserve battery for months, so we managed to pull her back into the supermarket in time before an X came around the corner.

"Jeanine was still making noise, so we told her to put her System on sleep. She wouldn't, or maybe she didn't hear us, but a few minutes later, she stopped clutching her head and stood up. At first, she was silent, I think she was in shock, so we managed to evacuate the Ghost town and go into the forest, and that's when she went hysterical. She was screaming a bunch of things like how it was all useless, that we would never survive, and that we should all kill ourselves whilst we had the chance."

Spencer stopped talking, swallowing loudly. Carrie slung her arm around him and picked the story back up.

"We left one of the bags of food in the forest because we needed multiple people to bring her back. The rest you know. We managed to knock her out for a while, but she woke up when we were almost here."

Oberon looked concerned, his eyebrows furrowed, picking his nails. For the first time, Karma realised he wasn't that old. Maybe in his early thirties. He wasn't ready to be a leader, to be in charge of all these people, all these deaths. And Karma felt incredibly bad for shouting at him. He was just trying his best. They were all trying to keep on fighting, keep on hoping.

"Thank you," Oberon spoke up. "We need to make sure everyone here turns off their System and only open it back up from time to time. We've been using Helmets these last few months which explains why we haven't had this case yet as they probably can't pick up the squealing from the X's. It also explains why the population count when down so fast. With the X's killing, and some people suffering from their Systems the way Thalia," _The suicide girl, _Karma filled in for herself. "And Jeanine did, it could lead to more suicides. Luckily, most of us disabled out Systems in the beginning at the first sign of danger. We need to stay alert and see if we can help Jeanine. She always needs to be watched over, and Martha," Oberon turned to the medic in the room, "have you ever done any psychological work?"

"I studied it in high school, and for my medical degree, I needed to learn how to ease information out from patients without triggering them," Martha stated. "I should be able to ask her what she saw or experienced from the squeal, what the X's want."

Oberon nodded and dismissed them. They were all more than ready to fall asleep.

That night, they pushed all the beds together in the middle of the room, curling around each other. Karma explained the eggshell situation to Pandora, leaving the gory details out, and they stayed in the dark, talking to each other about trivial things.

And Karma realised that she was beginning to survive more and more. She was starting to care for this fake family she'd constructed in this Shelter.

She wondered how hard her heart would break when they eventually died, and if theirs would break too when she stopped breathing. She hoped they'd remember her as the girl who loved gold, used to knit like a grandma, and who thought her parents were superheroes when she was small.

She hoped they'd remember her the way anyone wanted to be remembered. With love.

**oo-oo**

"Okay, all clear, follow me," her mother whispered through the Helmets. Even though their System had gotten back online a week ago, they wanted to save batteries for until the next time they could charge. The chargers they had at home weren't working anymore, and neither were any of the ones in the shops they raided.

They crept through the alley, walking in the direction of the forest. They'd been travelling using an outdated map they found in the garage, walking towards a bigger city. They were hoping to find help along the way, maybe someone with directions to a safe place, but there was nothing so far. Everyone was either inside or dead.

Karma stepped over a dead body, pausing to listen to the silence. No typical grinding of metal they usually hear before getting ambushed by whatever those monsters are.

"We're going to stop here for today," their momma announced, and Karma let out a breath that she'd been holding since this morning. They were always safer inside than outside, travelling.

Her momma points towards an almost-intact house and they make their way along, checking the street for signs of life. Karma follows her brother, almost bumping into him when he stops. Karma freezes as she sees him trying to hold his cough in. She motions to her mom that they need to get inside quickly before her brother let out a noise.

They start walking faster, Karma gently pressuring her brother with a hand on his back, trying to mentally communicate to him to keep quiet. She sees her mom grab a bobby pin out of her bun, fiddling with the front door. She starts shaking it when it doesn't open, panic clear on her face.

And then... her brother, with a tear tracing its way on his cheek from the strain, coughs.

It's an ugly hacking, straight from the lungs. Her mother redoubles her effort, especially when she sees one of the mechanical monsters rounding around the corner. Finally, the door opens, but there's a man behind it, with a gun in his hand.

"Please let us in, the monster is chasing us," their momma whispers fiercely, her eyes darting between the man and the mechanical monster chasing them.

"Leave us alone, we're all going to die," the man grumbles, closing the door, but their mother put her foot in between.

"Please you have to help us!" their momma begs, and it's not something Karma liked to see. Karma tries to help her brother by patting his back as the creature keeps approaching them. There's still so far away from the door, and her brother is not walking fast enough, caught trying to catch his breath between his choking. Karma whimpers and starts crying as the monster starts crawling towards them faster. She makes a split-second decision and goes to help her mother out, running towards the door, leaving her brother on the road. Their first priority was being able to get in.

"Let them in," a low voice rings from inside the house.

The man at the door hesitates, "They're going to kill us."

"Goddammit! Let them in, Gerard!"

The gruff man opens the door hurrying them in. Karma's mom grabs her by the t-shirt, throwing her inside. Her mom heads immediately back for Rikke.

"Quickly, get Rikke!" Karma yells at her, even as a man, probably the owner of the low voice, pulls her further in. The gruff man is still holding the door wide open, gesturing at them to come in.

The creature has its red eyes trained on them, it's too late. It's seen all of them. Rikke is still standing in the middle of the driveway, still coughing violently, his small body shaking in exertion. He's too close to the monster, and _why isn't he inside yet?_

"Fuck!" The man near the door exclaims. "Dammit Freddie, you've screwed us all."

Just then, the mechanical creature sends out a small black box with a red radar. It's beeping with high pitched noise, and Rikke is scrambling to get away, that awful noise still escaping his lungs. He sounds afraid, her baby brother is alone in front of this monster. _It's not fair, it's not fair. Please, not him!_

There's so much going on. Karma is fighting herself out of the man's grip, Gerard is cursing at her mom who's running to go get Rikke and then–

Silence.

As soon as everything stops, it resumes. Her ears are ringing, she's laying on the ground. She gets up, trying to orientate herself. The door and parts of the walls have been blasted open, she's bleeding from multiple places. It was a bomb, she realises. The black box was a bomb.

The man from before is pulling her down the stairs. They are both tripping, and Karma falls down the last step on the ground. A girl slightly younger than her rushes to help. Karma is laid down on a mattress, and someone is holding cloths to her wounds, but she pushes them away, sitting up. She's so dizzy, but she can't see her family.

"Where's momma?" she pleads to them, even as they shush her. "Where's Rikke?"

Someone holds her mouth shut, telling her gently to be quiet.

Karma shuts her eyes for a second, hoping she would wake up soon, but a couple of minutes later, the only thing that's changed is that her ears have stopped ringing and somehow her wounds have been patched up. She turns to thank the stranger, and finds a small brown-eyed girl, with her hair held into a bun with a pencil.

"Are you okay?" she has a really kind smile for times like this, almost untouched by the horror, and Karma feels her panic recede a bit.

"Where is my family?" she asks, not waiting for a response before trying to get up.

They are in a dim room, with no windows, probably underground. There's a pile of clothes in one corner, food and water in another. It looks similar to what they had back in their garage. There's only one candle lighting the room, and Karma spots her mother's figure along with the two men from before.

Karma limps, stumbling slightly, towards her mom. As soon as she's there, she shakes her mom violently.

"Where's Rikke?" Karma demands angrily. "Where is he, momma?"

"Let her go, kid," Gerard complains, grabbing her arms. "I didn't go save her for nothing."

Karma looks directly into her mother's eyes, and she already knows the answer.

"He's dead," Gerard continues, voice composed, as if he didn't just watch a twelve years old be blasted to bits. "X food. All that was left was his leg."

"No," Karma tells him, shaking her head. "He was right there."

Her hands tremble as she wipes her face full of tears. It comes back with red.

"He's not dead."

The man, Freddie, approaches her as if dealing with a terrified animal. Karma growls at him when he tries to lay her down again. The girl from before tells him to back off.

"I'm sorry, Karma," her mother finally says.

"I hate you," Karma tells her crying, without meaning. She wants to punch someone, punch something. It wasn't fair. He was only twelve. Her baby brother.

"I hate you all," Karma mumbles angrily. "I hate Mor."

Karma didn't even see the slap coming. Her cheek stings from where she was hit.

"Don't," her mother is shaking with anger. "Ever talk about her that way. Ever."

Her mother pulls her into a hug, pushing her head into her shoulder. Karma feels her tears fall on her head.

"We don't talk about the dead."

They mourn for the rest of the night and the next day, they have to keep going.

The next morning, they make a plan with their saviours, the monsters they hate so much get a name, X for Experiments as Freddie tells them that they were the beta version of a war machine as he had worked to create and develop this sort of technology and knew exactly what they were capable of.

He also speaks about a place apparently built to withstand these sorts of disasters, prepped for months of hiding. It was about a few days walk away, across the forest, into the big city.

They don't talk about the dead and the next day, head for a placed called the Shelter.

**xx-xx**

It was complicated with four bodies draped on her, but Karma managed to sneak out. She hoped she'd be back before one of them woke up.

It was almost the end of the X's charge day and the best time to go visit her mom.

She sneaked around the corridors, jumping when she heard someone laugh loudly. It sounded like it came from further along. Karma hoped she was wrong.

She kept creeping along, checking every corner, climbing the stairs to go above ground.

And for the first time in her life, she was right. It was also the first time she wished she wasn't.

There stood Jeanine, giggling crazily as she stumbled towards the exit. The exit to outside the Shelter.

Oh god. That wasn't good.

Karma shouted down the stairs, hoping someone would wake up, and when Jeanine heard her shout, she doubled her speed to the exit. Karma ran to her, throwing the woman on the ground. Her body was incredibly sore from the previous day, and she was finding it increasingly difficult with every second that passed to hold the older woman down. Karma had forgotten how vicious insane people could be. When you didn't care about your life anymore, you didn't mind getting a few scratches in a fight.

"Hey!" Karma shouted even louder, praying that there were no X's in the vicinity. "I need help here!"

Karma sighed in relief when she saw Martha running towards her, looking dishevelled as if she'd been sleeping. Karma didn't notice how her grip slackened and soon Jeanine was kicking her in the chest. Karma flew through the air, landing harshly, the wind knocked out of her lungs.

It took a while for her senses to come back to her and her vision to stop spinning, but as soon as she remembered Jeanine, she rushed to stand up, which was honestly not one of her proudest moments. She swayed on the spot and then moved her butt into action as she saw Martha struggling with withholding Jeanine. The older woman was way too close to the exit for comfort.

Karma suddenly remembered she had a Helmet. She tried broadcasting a message to anyone in the area, but she doubted anyone had their Systems on after Oberon's check to make sure everyone turned them off that evening or was awake so late.

Karma rushed to help Martha, tripping Jeanine so she fell. She bound her hands above her head, sitting on her back. Martha grabbed the flailing legs. Jeanine started screaming bloody murder, and Karma placed her hands on her neck, cutting off her breath which disabled her shouts. Soon enough, Jeanine fainted, and Karma turned around to look at Martha. The woman had an eyebrow raised, probably not agreeing with the swift way Karma had silenced Jeanine. Karma checked for any injuries and blushed when she saw that the woman's t-shirt had been ripped during the scuffle and her chest was naked. Martha rolled her eyes at the younger girl's reaction to her indecency.

"You'd think that you'd be more concerned about the unconscious figure on the ground then my nudity- thanks, love," Martha grabbed the jacket Karma handed her, which she had been wearing to brave the cold outside originally. Karma agreed with Martha, there were more important things to consider than ripped clothing when someone was about to attract X's straight to their hideout.

They carried Jeanine back to her bed in the infirmary and Karma mourned the fact that she wouldn't be able to visit her mom. Maybe she could go in three days, after the X's most active day- or hunt day as she called it. It usually happened right after charging up.

Martha scolded the person on duty for falling asleep. You'd think medics would know how dangerous it was to leave someone unsupervised, but then Karma realised that the man on duty probably wasn't a medic, and had learnt everything after the X-day, just to help save the lives that were left. He'd never asked for this, just like Karma hadn't.

"I'm not going to ask how you saw Jeanine, and why you were up there in the middle of the night," Martha told her, and for a second Karma felt like she was stabbed. She sounded exactly like her mor. "But I recommend that you go directly to bed and sleep this off, okay sweetheart?"

Karma averted her eyes as Martha changed her shirt and only looked when the older woman tapped her shoulder. The dark-skinned woman handed her her jacket back, kissing her forehead gently. Karma nodded in thanks, waved goodbye, and went down her corridor, ducking into the first hallway she saw. There was another staircase at the other side of the building, and it would take her longer to reach her mom, but she could still do it.

She was going to see her mother no matter what. Screw waiting three days.

**xx-xx**

"Hey, Momma," Karma started, then snorted quietly. "This sounds a lot like a 'Dear Diary' situation, doesn't it?

"I'm really tired lately. Tired of going to funerals, tired of fighting, tired of thinking I might never see my friends again every time we venture outside. I want to go to sleep, and never wake up again.

"My System broke, which is why I'm using a Helmet. I know I'm risking a lot, especially since X's have started doing weird things. We think it's related to Systems, but no one really wants to be a test bunny, seeing how the others end up."

Karma brushed a strand of hair of her mother's face. A breeze blew through one of the windows, and the strand was lifted back onto her face.

"I used to want to be an artist when I grew up," she told her mom, even though the woman saw her grow up. "Thought it would be great to have fans, and I thought maybe I could represent different social groups, put the emotions banging in my chest into colours on a black canvas, you know? Colours always show better on black. Too bad my vision is in shades of black now. You thought I'd succeed and make it my career, remember?"

Karma slowly let out a breath, rolling her shoulders, wincing when they cracked into place. She stayed for a few minutes, listening to the soft breeze, her own breaths, and taking a moment to relax.

"I better go, it's almost time."

Karma stood up, walking towards the exit of the building. She should probably make it back to the Shelter before the X's woke up.

She began walking East, ready to catch two hours of sleep, if lucky when something caught her eye. It tickled her memory, and she couldn't stop herself from going to check it out. It was going to be quick anyway, just to see where that tiny glint of light she'd seen for a second came from, and then head back.

She tiptoed to the abandoned building, peeking into an open window. Her eyes widened in surprise as she caught a sign of something she thought she'd never see again.

A port to charge her system.

She couldn't resist the temptation. Even a few minutes would give her enough battery life to get her hearing and vision back for a few days. She could bring it back to the others, and they could all get their systems back online and get a piece of their old life back.

In her elation, she crept through the window, heading straight to the shining blue light. It was stuck behind a half-broken wall as if it had been purposely hidden in a small secret room. It was a tiny opening, but she managed to fit through. She grabbed the small object, taking off her Helmet only to place the charger on her temple. Immediately, she felt her enhance hearing reappear and her vision coloured again, not that it meant much in the darkness.

She smiled, taking in her senses, until-

_Creak._

This couldn't be happening. No way.

Karma took in her surroundings. Yes, there was more than one charging port, and Karma realised with overwhelming horror that this was a charging den for X's. There were a few of them, all inactive.

But in a few moments they could wake up and she would be surrounded by a horde of human-killing monsters.

One of them was already awake, and she searched frantically for a way out, blood pounding in her veins. The window? No, she couldn't crawl out of this tiny space that quick. She would need them to leave before she could.

_Shitshitshit._

The X crept closer and closer towards Karma and she tried to calm her breathing. Make it slow and silent. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic.

_PANIC!_

A horrible sound appeared, resonating everywhere in her head. She felt like her brain was being sliced apart and she had to stop herself from screaming out. An image she'd never be able to forget appeared in front of her unseeing eyes and Karma reacted quicker than she thought she could. She disconnected the charger and shut off her System, breathing heavily.

Well, the Shelter had their test bunny. She'd heard whatever had driven the others crazy. And damn it, she could understand why. Whatever noise and images the X's were sending, it was working. She'd only caught sight of the image for a few seconds, but it was already enough. Having that sound and the image in your mind for a few minutes, it would drive anyone crazy. She tried to stop shaking and she felt shock settle over her.

The image was of a city similar to theirs, except there was a building Karma had only seen in textbooks. The Eiffel Tower.

The terrible scene was in Paris. There were dead bodies everywhere, buildings crumbling, everywhere was flooded, and a big message displayed on a headboard:

_SAVE ONE PERSON: YOURSELF_

Karma shivered as she came back to the present. The X was still walking towards her, having heard a noise. Karma's fear slammed back full force and she tried to stifle whimpers when the creature continued creeping closer.

It stopped a few meters away and Karma let out a shaky breath. It hadn't noticed her. She was safe. She smiled, pocketing the charger in her jacket.

She soon regretted her words.

The X threw one of its claws into the crumbling wall, and Karma didn't have the time to scream before bricks were falling onto her.

A black canvas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Please tell me what you thought of it and leave kudos :)
> 
> \- Tyler


	4. The Gaunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooo!
> 
> Sorry for being M.I.A. but the mock exams have been coming up and I've been trying to not upload a chapter as a means of procrastinating but alas I have caved in and am procrastinating with my whole heart.
> 
> This chapter is really when all the tags and warnings will be applied, so be aware of the angst and explicit descriptions.
> 
> I also took part in NaNoWriMo but I still haven't finished my novel. I hope to be able to start posting it after the May exams which will leave me enough time to finish writing and start editing.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter!
> 
> \- Tyler
> 
> P.S. This novella was originally going to be called 'The Gaunt' which is the title of this chapter :)
> 
> Once again for clarification, xx-xx is in the 'normal' or 'up-to-date' timeline and oo-oo is for the flashbacks or 'old' timeline.
> 
> (DON'T read below if you want no spoilers, but DO read if you want warnings for triggers)
> 
> There's suicide, amputation, suicidal thoughts, death, gore, mental instability, and a suicide attempt. If at any point, you don't feel comfortable, stop reading and stay safe.

Karma woke up from aching pains in her hand. What was going on?

Maybe she'd died? She couldn't see or hear anything. But no, her arm was still throbbing. Not dead then.

She tried to move it, gasping when an intense pain hit her. She gasped like a fish for a few seconds, the blinding pain overtaking her senses for a second.

_Not doing _that _again_, she promised herself.

She moved her other hand, trying to see where she was. It seemed like she was encased somewhere. She started feeling claustrophobic but decided that she should get more information before freaking out.

She fumbled for her Helmet, sighing in relief when she managed to connect it to her temples. She could hear her breathing again, and when she shuffled, she heard the clacking of what seemed like bricks together.

"Hello?" she whispered. "Anyone?"

Static answered her. No-one was there.

All she remembered was the X reaching towards her. Had they brought her to a cage? Where was she?

And what on Earth was happening with her hand? The pain was making her dizzy and made it hard to think.

_Ok, let's try to get a light source, _she reasoned.

She got out the charger from her pocket, the blue light enough to see slightly. She vomited as soon as she laid eyes on her hand.

It was stuck under a pile of bricks, completely squashed, bones popping out in some places.

Once Karma had emptied her stomach, she looked further around. She pushed some bricks, but they were too heavy. She was locked in.

"Help!" she whispered frantically in her Helmet. "I need medical help!"

But nobody came.

Nobody heard.

**xx-xx**

"Hello?" Karma tried. "I need food and medical help. I need rescuing."

She didn't know how much time had passed, but she'd vomited two more times from just the smell clinging to her clothing, the pain in her hand was starting to be unbearable, it was the only thing she could think about. She couldn't swallow the dryness in her throat away and her stomach was growling so loud in the silence.

There was only static.

**xx-xx**

The claustrophobia was really messing with her brain.

She needed to breathe, she couldn't stretch her legs in the space, and she couldn't _move her arm. _

_ITHURTSITHURTSITHURTS._

The blood was staining her clothes, sticky and the smell filling the small pocket of air she was trapped in. She needed to breathe. She couldn't. _She couldn't._

"Please, please, please," she mumbled over and over again. "_Please._"

**xx-xx**

"Honestly, I thought I'd probably die a braver way, you know Momma? This is kind of stupid. My hand hurts. I'm hungry," by now, she was just repeating what she was thinking. She was scared of dying in these four tiny walls, in this black canvas, with her broken hand. It had stopped bleeding two or three waking-ups ago, but the pain was still clinging on to her tightly, clutching at her head, her chest, her throat.

"I thought I'd die a hero."

**xx-xx**

"I don't even know if people miss me. That's the worst part. I don't even know if they're searching for me. They probably don't even know where I went. I should've listened to Martha, I shouldn't have been so careless, I should've..."

**xx-xx**

"Test one, two, three," Karma mumbled into her helmet, her throat impossibly dry. It was losing battery, which didn't even faze her. She was starting to get used to the bricks weighing on her fingers. She forgave them. She forgave everyone.

She smiled when she heard voices in her Helmet.

"Oh man, I can't even be mad at you for taking so long," Karma told the voices. Maybe it was Death, finally coming to take her away from this place of endless darkness.

"Karma? Karma! Where are you? Are you injured? What's happening?"

Karma eyes closed softly, a laugh still etched on her face.

**xx-xx**

Someone was screaming.

Who could even scream that loud these days without waking up the X's?

Her hand still throbbed at a deep tempo she knew by heart, there was still her black canvas, and her stomach was cramping regularly to the same rhythm as her hand with hunger.

**xx-xx**

"Karma?"

The girl blinked. Once. Twice. It didn't help, her vision was still completely white. She couldn't feel anything in her body, as if only her mind has woken up.

"Karma? Could you look at me, please?" It felt like the words were spoken underwater, they barely made sense.

She turned her head slightly, staring blankly at a familiar dark-skinned woman. She looked so beautiful, standing there with her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes scanning Karma up and down. She looked ethereal, with the bright lights reflecting off her skin, like her guardian angel swooping down to come and take her far far away from her black canvas, up towards a better place. Maybe to see her mom.

"Martha," she coughed out, her lungs hacking up different fluids. The woman was starting to get hazy on the edges, and the lights were attacking her retinas fiercely.

"You're safe, you're okay," Martha reassured her, running her hand through Karma's hair. "You need to sleep now, okay baby? Sleep now."

Sleep.

That's all she'd done these past few days, but her eyes still shut themselves, and she was unconscious once more.

**oo-oo**

They were there.

Looming in front of them was the infamous Shelter.

It looks like a normal work office, with multiple stories. It, suspiciously, has no broken windows, and the grey exterior is unmarked. It looks out of place next to the other run-down and shattered buildings. There are no signs on it, no indication that they are at the right building.

"We're here," Freddie tells them, with his bass voice.

They walk in, seeing that the middle is completely cleared. It seems like there used to be offices but now the chairs and desks are all propped up to barricade the walls of the building. They walk towards the stairs, only to find none going up, only going down.

They don't speak, making their way down. The stairs are long and winding, heading deep underground. When they reach the door at the bottom, they find it already open with a man standing there.

"I'm Oberon, come in."

They are lead through multiple corridors into what mimics a board meeting room. They all sit around the round table, all in awe. They stick close together, untrusting of the man in front of them.

There's a long moment of silence before the man coughs and starts talking.

"I'm Oberon, and I manage the Shelter. We're about two hundred here already. We can assign you to rooms, you can tell us if you want to stay together. You can stay here, as long as you contribute and help. So far, we have enough food and drink, you can even shower, but soon enough we will have to go get supplies. I hope that by coming here doesn't mean you will hide underground. You'll have to help with missions or the infirmary or with running the building."

They don't reply and Oberon coughs again. At this point, it seems suspicious how much he is coughing, and Karma wonders if he's sick and they're all going to die from a cough instead of the X's.

"I'm sorry, it's been a long day. I'm being incredibly curt," Oberon tries to fill in the silence. "How did you get here?"

Gerard retells their tale of how they travelled from neighbouring villages. Of how they'd almost died multiple times, how finding safe places was difficult, of their struggle with the X's.

"X's?" Oberon asks curiously.

Freddie explains who he was, and how he knew about the Shelter. He promises to tell them as much as he can about the creatures, about their rest days and charge days, about what weapons they have and how they track us.

"Maybe with a bigger group, we can beat them," he tells the man in front of them.

Then a dark-skinned woman walks in, berating Oberon for not bringing them to the infirmary first to check if they were okay.

"I'm Martha," she tells them with her buoyant voice. "And he's an idiot."

Oberon doesn't even dare contradict her.

They get checked over, meet other survivors, get a room assigned to them, and finally, hope that maybe they could make it through.

They start surviving.

**xx-xx**

She'd been lucky, she was told. They found her three days since she'd left, on the brink of death due to hunger, dehydration, and blood loss. She shouldn't have survived.

She should be dead.

But she wasn't.

She still had to pay some price though. She'd miss her three fingers.

They'd been mangled by the weight. They managed to save her thumb, which had escaped the crushing part, and her pointer finger, which was just slightly crooked. Unfortunately, there was no way of saving the others, the blood flow had been completely cut off for days. Apart from that, she'd broken a bone in her hand, but it had been put back in its right place. For now, her hand was completely taped up and attached to a wooden block, to stop her from causing more damage. They didn't have a cast, so it was the best they could do. It still felt like she could move her missing fingers, but she remembered reading something for school about that being normal.

They'd have to keep her in the infirmary for a while, to check for crush syndrome symptoms. And just to add the cherry on top of that, it was her shooting hand.

_At least I'm alive, _she consoled herself.

People visited her. Oberon told her of how Flair was out nearly every hour every day searching for her and how he'd eventually realised where she could've gone as he remembered banning her from her mom a while back. They heard her talking in through their Helmet when they approached the area, but it was hard to pinpoint where she was. They had to search for her location by hacking into her Helmet which Spencer had managed to figure out. Once located, it was still a question of how they would be getting her without alerting the X's. Oberon, Spencer, and Katie, an old policewoman who had experience on how to navigate the broken buildings safely, were the ones to dig her up. It was ugly, and they came close to a couple X's two or three times, but they got her back alive.

Oberon berated her, but the happy tears ruined his sternness. In the end, he was just glad the death toll hadn't gone up by one.

Pandora was the next one to visit her. She hugged Karma for a solid hour, crying silently in her shirt. Eventually, Pandora apologised.

"What for, baby Panda?" Karma asked softly, tucking one of the small girl's stray hairs behind her ear.

"I'm sorry about your fingers," Pandora told her, head bowed. "I really tried, but I couldn't do anything."

Oh god, Pandora worked in the infirmary. _Pandora had done the surgery._

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Karma told her, absolutely horrified.

"It's okay, I'm just glad the rest of your hand survived," Pandora told her through sniffles. "We thought we might have to amputate your whole hand at some point. I was so worried."

Eventually, Flair burst in, demanding her own turn, fighting with Carrie for who was next. They compromised on doing it at the same time, which ended with Karma being completely squashed under the bodies of two full-grown women.

"Glad to see you guys too," Karma chuckled, joy and love filling every inch of her body. "Thank you for searching for me."

"You bet," Flair declared. "As if we'd abandon you. We're family now."

Karma might've forgotten how to breathe for a second.

"Yeah," she whispered in awe. "We're family."

Carrie ruffled her hair with a smile that reassured Karma that everything in life would right itself out, that as long as they were together, they'd be stronger. "Yep. You better lick my shoes clean in reverence."

Karma rolled her eyes. As if she could call those damaged plastics on her feet shoes. They were barely recognisable, an old memory of green high tops.

"Of course, milady," Karma smirked, joining in when they started laughing.

_Dark, fingers, pain, dark, GETOUT, monster, dark, dark, pain, fingers, gonegone, PAIN_

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. She should be using the opportunity to smile. Her instincts were telling her that it was only going to get worse.

The others picked up on her mood and their faces went all serious. Karma looked at them properly. Carrie with her gentle eyes, matted blonde hair, and her studs still in her ears because when the X day happened, she had just gotten them pierced and was still scared that not enough time had passed before she was allowed to take them out (which was completely irrational). Flair with her unevenly chopped hair, the lower part still red from when it was dyed, and her weird amount of knowledge about plants and her silly optimism which kept them going.

Karma brought her arm up to wipe some dirt on Flair's cheek, only to dry heave when she caught sight of her red-tinted bandages on her hand. Would she ever get used to it?

Carrie patted her on the back whilst Flair grabbed some water. Once Karma was done, she spat into the bucket next to her bed, taking big gulps from the offered water bottle.

"There, there," Carrie reassured her, her fingers writing imaginary letters on her back.

"Sorry," Karma apologised, her voice scratchy.

"I'm going to tell Spencer he can come in now," Flair told them, walking towards the door. Karma was glad for the swift change of subject. She didn't want to think about it for a couple of years, thanks.

"Hey, kiddo," a deep voice spoke.

"I'm like, a year younger than you," Karma told him flatly.

"So small!" Karma dodged the hands aiming for her cheeks.

"Go to hell," she grumbled, but the smile on her face contradicted her. "How are you?"

"Peachy," he sat down on the bed, next to her, pulling a face when it creaked under the added weight. "I haven't slept in a few hours."

Karma winced.

"Yeah, that's kind of my fault," she mumbled. "Sorry."

"Nah, don't apologies," he sent a wave over to Flair and Carrie when they walked out of the room. Karma followed his example, smiling when Carrie mouthed 'see you later'. "It's kind of my job to worry about you guys."

Karma blushed, a warm feeling spreading through her chest. She was infinitely glad to have found these people, who'd do so much for her without being asked to. She hugged him, breathing him in. He didn't smell good at all, but it was the scent of dust and sweat and _humanness_ that reassured her he was here in front of her and she was out of that dark prison.

"When's dinner?" she asked when her stomach grumbled in protest.

"They'd rather keep you here the whole night, but I think I might be able to convince them if I promise them that we'll stay with you the whole evening and night."

"Thank you," she rushed out. "That'd- that'd be wonderful."

In the end, she wasn't allowed because she needed to be administered painkillers regularly and her symptoms monitored. She knew deep down that she'd probably also sleep really badly and it was better if her family didn't turn into insomniacs because of her.

Her family.

It felt nice to have one again.

**xx-xx**

A few weeks later, Karma was given the green light to go back to training. Which she did.

At first, she had to get used to the view of her hand. There was a big scar in the middle of it and stumps where fingers should have been instead, but otherwise, it still had the same moles and lines as it did before. She could move her wrist freely, but she had more trouble moving her last two remaining fingers. They told her that it was likely because the muscle was not used to being used or even able to work the same way as before. No one could tell her a lot really because they did their best based on textbooks they found and knowledge they'd gathered these past few years after the outbreak. Karma kept it hidden from sight most of the time in the days after that until Flair brought her back a pair of gloves from a trip to a Ghost town.

"I know they're leather and not the most comfortable, but I thought you might-" she never got to finish her sentence before she was tackled into a hug.

One night, Pandora had asked how it healed, and Karma had let her curiously observe her hand, not looking at herself. If that could help others in the future, Karma was all for being a test subject.

Talking about test subject, she still hadn't had the guts to tell the others about the charger she carried in her pocket. Somehow, it hadn't gotten lost in everything that had happened, still in the inside pocket of her jacket, which she'd gotten back. If she told anyone about the charger, they would want to use their System. And after what she'd experienced, she couldn't let that happen.

She reasoned with herself to tell Oberon soon enough about the vision.

She started training like crazy, hating every day where she couldn't help. She felt weak and useless. She got her body back into shape, doing cardio every day. Burpees were tricky for a while, but she learned to compensate for her hand with her body. Rope jumping, sprinting, jumping jacks, interval training, you name it, she did it.

Next was getting used to using her left hand to shoot or do anything. Eating, grabbing objects by reflex, tucking her hair behind her ear. It's not that her right hand was incapable, but it would make her life easier if she changed her dominant hand to the left. She was glad that they didn't write anything anymore, because that would be a real setback.

Her usual sparring partner, who she now knew the name of (it was Dalton of all things) also trained with her. Every time she would work twice as hard, he would follow her pace. She was mildly impressed.

Two weeks later, she was back out for recon in nearby Ghost towns. Dalton also joined them a few days later along with Oberon who'd finally healed enough to get back on missions after his leg injury, completing their group. Dalton was mostly silent, but when he spoke, it was better to listen to him. He was so in tune with his surroundings and his focus was unbeatable. Sometimes, Karma thought he could relax more, but the other half of the time, he amazed her. Oberon had the experience. He split them up an organised far better than they ever did. He was wickedly good at thinking on his feet and improvising and had gotten them out of tricky situations well.

They didn't find anything for three more weeks. It was going out every day, trying to find a portal, find food, find first aid, avoid X's. The moral was down. No one actually believed they would ever get out of the Gaunt.

Karma spent all her time with her new family and Dalton. At first, he and Flair weren't too keen on each other, the two magnetic poles, but the second Dalton told them that blue was his favourite colour, Flair softened up to him. Dalton didn't join their room, he was sharing a bed with his twin sister whom he'd arrived with, but he did spend a lot of time with them. His twin also joined them from time to time, but she found her own people, older, like her.

Life wasn't great nor good, but Karma could get used to living like this. It'd been almost two years since the outbreak. She wondered if one day they'd have to relocate when all the supplies were depleted nearby, or if they'd start farming somehow.

Karma was surviving. At least she thought she was. When she was surrounded by the others, her heart was put together again with kraft glue, but the second she was alone, she couldn't ignore the thoughts creeping in her head. It didn't help that her sight hadn't improved at all and her hearing was still bad. It would take a few more months before she could hear properly again. She tried to not rely on her Helmet too much, instead of training herself to hear things. Not that it really worked.

She got nightmares often. Of her old and new family dying, of the scene in Paris, of the X's. Sometimes she was thrown back into that time when she was buried, and she could almost feel her hand throb again. Days after nights like that were the hardest.

She never realised it had gotten unbearable until a mission.

It was pretty simple, they'd been going to Ghost towns more and more often, especially the ones that were devoid of X's. She was following the group, clutching a knife in her left hand, the map in her right. That's when she saw movements in the corner of her eyes. Immediately, she put her Helmet back on her head, grabbing the two people closest to her and warning everyone through the communications system.

One by one, they ducked into a nearby shop, some staying near the windows, others moving further in. It was always safer to split up, in case the X's found some of them.

Except Karma didn't follow them. She stayed outside the shop, watching the X. It hadn't noticed her yet, standing in the open, completely defenceless.

She didn't really know what she was doing. All she knew was that everything, her fighting, her exhaustion, her constant hunger, could be over if she just made one big noise. Just one last movement. A cough, a shout, a fall.

She stood there, a war being fought in her head. If she ran the opposite direction, the X wouldn't find the others, too busy devouring her. And they'd be free of her burdens. She couldn't do much anyway, with her messed-up hand.

"Karma," a hand on her shoulder, the voice quiet, too silent for the X. No, she needed to do something bigger for it to notice her. "Karma, I need you to walk backwards, okay?"

Karma looked wistfully at the monster. She could still run if she wanted to. She could give up and let this nightmare be over.

"Karma," the voice broke. It spoke in a choppy, broken up manner. "Can you walk backwards? Please, can you do that for me?"

The person was tugging her gently towards them and Karma sent one last look to the X before turning around and burying herself in the voice's chest. They slowly walked towards the back of the shop, and Karma didn't look up, trusting the person to take care of her. Take care of the mess in her head.

"You're doing great," the calm voice promised her. "Let's go a bit further, yeah?"

Karma couldn't think any more. She was so tired of everything. She just let herself be guided, following her saviour.

When they were far enough, the person made her sit down, hidden behind one of the shelves, and settled Karma on their lap, tucking her head under theirs.

Karma listened to the peaceful breathing, her thoughts an incomplete puzzle. She couldn't believe that she'd stood so close to death. So close to not seeing her family again. She would've done it. If she'd had one precious second more, she would've thrown herself right at the X.

What was wrong with her?

The person holding her rocked her back and forth, the repetitive movements soothing her. Karma focused on the way their chest rose and fell, the way the fabric of their t-shirt felt against her cheek. When she lifted her eyes, she saw Flair and Carrie looking straight at her. She hid in the other person's neck. She couldn't face them. Not now. She was so ashamed of her actions.

It must've been twenty minutes later when Karma finally dared look at her saviour's face. Dalton's wobbly smile and sombre blue eyes, the same shade as her favourite watercolour. Karma leant her forehead against his, shutting her eyes, and sending a prayer to whoever could hear her jumbled thought process.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you."

They stayed there for a few seconds until Karma realised it was probably very awkward for him.

"Sorry," she mumbled, climbing off his lap as proudly as she could. He sent her a quick steadier smile, reassuring her that it was okay.

Karma walked over to Flair and Carrie, letting them hug her. They signalled to others in the shop behind her. Karma felt a soft kiss land on the crown of her head and she tried to keep her tears at bay at the unexpected affection.

"Let's go home."

**xx-xx**

"I swear to god, Karma, you have to stop getting into trouble," was the first thing Spencer told her when he saw her after the mission debriefing. "I constantly stress about you."

Karma tried a smile, but she didn't think it must've looked that convincing because Spencer pulled her into a hug roughly, as if he could knock the suicidal thoughts out of her.

"Sorry, I'll try to stop," she replied, not promising anything.

"Never make me worry like that again, I nearly had a heart attack," Spencer's voice cracked. "When I heard what happened from Dalton-"

"I'm sorry," she said uselessly, desperately wanting to convince him that she wasn't going to try and die anytime soon, not after what had happened today. Spencer only hugged her tighter, chasing the air out of her lungs.

"I love you so much," he whispered in her ear. "Don't ever die on me."

Karma gripped onto the back of his t-shirt, threading one of her gloved fingers through a hole.

"That applies to you too, Spence."

**xx-xx**

"I have a charger."

Oberon spat the water he was sipping in peace through his nose. He coughed for a few seconds, thanking Karma with a hoarse voice when she patted his back. She felt guilty for making him choke like that uselessly. It would be a stupid way to die during an apocalypse.

"_You what?_"

"I have a charger. Actually, I've had it since the time I left to go see my mom," and she hadn't gone back to see her since the accident, which made her feel half guilty and half relieved. "I also survived an X attack."

Oberon's face paled dramatically and he looked like Karma had just added twenty years to his age. Karma scanned his head for grey hairs, feeling sorry for causing him more stress when she found some glinting in the artificial light.

"You need to sit down and tell me that story of yours right now."

**xx-xx**

No one heard about the charger. Oberon burnt it right away, effectively cutting off all hope of Karma getting her coloured vision back, not that it mattered when she thought about the bigger picture, but it still stung like hell.

"I don't want anyone using their System, even if it's sleep mode or background activity. After all these X attacks, I don't want to risk it."

The next day, Flair told her that everyone's dots under the eyes had turned grey instead of their usual orange or red, not that Karma could tell. Despite Oberon trying to keep her encounter with the X's on the down low, within a couple of days, everyone knew. Guess an apocalypse doesn't stop people from gossiping.

Karma was put in the infirmary wing again, where she was diagnosed with depression. It's not that nobody else had it, it was a given in their current situation, it's just that no one else had failed their suicide attempt. She was a survivor.

She also talked about the X's attack, which helped with her nightmares. She explained what she saw to Martha, who didn't make her think she was crazy or delusional. The dark-skinned woman would write down notes on a paper, would watch over her at night, let her sneak out to see her family occasionally.

She didn't mind the infirmary that much, helping sometimes when they let her, and seeing Pandora. Pandora had ignored her for the first few days, angry at what she'd almost done, but they had talked about it one evening and since then, they promised each other to never put themselves in the way of danger if they couldn't. Karma would try her best to honour that, for her new little sister.

And life went on. As it always does.

_Just keep on surviving. Save everyone you can._


	5. The Portal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final instalment of this novella. It's time to finish this bad boy. Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> \- Tyler
> 
> Once again for clarification, xx-xx is in the 'normal' or 'up-to-date' timeline and oo-oo is for the flashbacks or 'old' timeline.
> 
> (DON'T read below if you want no spoilers, but DO read if you want warnings for triggers)
> 
> There's suicide, amputation, suicidal thoughts, death, gore, mental instability, and a suicide attempt. If at any point, you don't feel comfortable, stop reading and stay safe.

**xx-xx**

August 28th, a portal opened in the same place as a year earlier, where Karma's momma met her end.

They decided they would leave three days after it opened. Gather all the supplies, make sure everyone was prepared, say goodbye to those who wouldn't follow them.

Oberon locked himself in the deepest floor of the building, as far away from X's as he could get. He turned on his System, broadcasting a message to every other System in the country that he could broadcast to about the portal. And when he resurfaced a few minutes after, he was immediately ambushed by Martha fussing over him.

"Nothing happened," he promised her. "Let's see if this message reaches anyone. I told them to come in three days, so we can all leave together. I'm hoping some other survivors can make it before then from further away."

It was a chaotic mess but Karma was finally feeling hope that tiny butterfly fluttering in her heart, for the first time in a long, long while. She cried when she heard the news, from relief, that she'd be far gone from all this terror in three days, from sadness, for those who would stay to live out the rest of their days here for many reasons, from guilt, for those who'd never get saved, those who would stay rotting in their open graves around the city.

Just survive for three more days.

**xx-xx**

Karma packed her bags the next day. It wasn't as if she had millions of belongings.

She trained with Dalton as well, wanting to be prepared in case she encountered X's. When he tackled her onto the mat for the first time since they started sparring together, she wasn't even mad. When his eyes sparkled with their watercolour blue shade, and he leaned down to kiss her with such tenderness, her heart soared higher than ever before.

She didn't even mind it when Pandora teased her later on when they held hands under the table.

She couldn't care. They were going to get out of this hell hole. After two years, they were finally going to escape.

That night, everyone pushed their beds together into one big puppy pile, even Dalton and his sister joined them, and they slept soundly, bodies tangled, neck in awkward positions, but all safe and happy with each other.

Just survive for two more days.

**xx-xx**

Karma helped Martha pack the infirmary. They had many supplies and would need a lot of backpacks to carry it all. A team had gone out to raid some supermarket for their cheap bags and Karma had opted to stay back and organise everything.

She talked with the older woman, telling her excitedly about all the things she was going to do when they went through the portal. About painting on a black canvas, about renting an apartment with Dalton, about taking a warm shower for two hours. Karma promised her that she would buy her favourite candy the second she had any money. Martha laughed, her eyes crinkled around the edges.

"Thank you, love, but I'm staying here."

And Karma's rose-tinted vision crumbled.

"You're not coming?"

Martha's face told her everything.

She hugged the woman as tightly as possible, making her promise to keep some of the stuff and not let them take all of it, for the people who were staying. She tried to convince the woman who'd become her substitute mother to come with her, Karma couldn't bear the thought of such a kind-hearted being staying in the midst of this destruction and despair. Why did she have to stay back?

"Someone needs to take care of Jeanine and the elderlies," Martha explained. "I'm old. I can stay back and make sure they're okay, as well as anyone who's afraid of going through the portal and would rather stay here. We'll be as okay as we can be."

Karma's heart ripped in half at that moment. Martha would keep surviving for the rest of her life, no rest, no reprieve. She'd never be able to hear the bumbling city again, see something else than blood and bruises.

Just survive for one more day.

**xx-xx**

There was something in the air. Electric and nervous at the same time. Happy and scared mingling.

Everyone was buzzing with energy, double-checking the Shelter for anything that they could possibly forget. Oberon let everyone say their curtain-call goodbyes. He himself hugged Martha and parted with the old grandma who had managed to make it up the stairs to watch them leave. The others that were being left behind were still sleeping underground.

"Next time the portal opens, you're free to join us."

Martha nodded. It took a while for her to be free, but eventually, Karma got her chance at hugging the woman and in her ear, the woman whispered.

"Take care of the others for me."

Karma laid a hand on her heart, curling her two remaining fingers into a fist, and staring right into her eyes with fierce determination she replied in a clear voice.

"With my life."

She swiped her tears and walked towards the exit, head high, her stride steady.

"We're going to have to split it up in different groups. Stay silent, avoid X's, and see you at the portal. Once you're there, go immediately in."

Twenty-two people nodded.

Twenty-two people would be leaving for a better life, beyond the apocalypse.

Karma wished it could be so much more. But it was already good enough.

As Karma turned her back to the Shelter after one last lingering look at the building that had nurtured her for two impossible years, her broken hand in Pandora's, the other in Dalton, she heard Jeanine let out one last resonating, mocking laugh.

**xx-xx**

There were others at the portal. A young couple met them there, saying they'd been here since yesterday, guiding people with a Helmet to the location when they were within the reception area. Many had travelled constantly for the past three days from all over the country. So far, two groups of about a dozen people had made it through, and a few other smaller huddles. The couple explained to them that the last portal they'd heard about stayed open for four days before closing. They would be the last to go through, right before midnight tonight, when the portal would shut. The portal was a circle on the ground, looking close to a hole. From what she remembered people telling her, it glowed a soft blue, the same colour as the dots of a charged System. The first group from the Shelter had made it through, and the second, which Karma was in along with all her family, was making it through. Oberon was chatting with the couple, acting as a guard and leader for the arriving people. Everything was going well, and Karma could hardly believe it. She almost felt sorry to leave this broken-down place, filled with vivid memories, a city whose nooks and crannies she'd spent the last years memorizing.

Unfortunately, they'd forgotten about the shadows that followed them constantly since the outbreak.

At the sight of the X's, there was panic. People pushed each other aside, desperate to reach the portal in time. The couple waiting for the others also jumped in at the sign of danger, clapping Oberon on the shoulder one last time. Dalton who'd stayed with Karma, overlooking the groups arriving, convinced his twin to jump in, promising to follow her right after. Karma was surprised, but infinitely glad, when he walked back to her side, helping others in instead of saving himself.

"Hurry up!" Oberon bellowed and Karma had never heard anything so loud. The last group from the Shelter were being followed by the creatures, up along the road. "Run! Run!"

Karma could see the fear painted on everyone's faces, especially Oberon's. He'd lived through this before. Seen the portal close right before his eyes when the X's came. So when it was Karma's turn to jump into the portal after all her friends, she breathed in and out and made a decision, her heart suddenly light.

"See you on the other side, Oberon," and she pushed him.

Not expecting it, he lost his balance, falling into the portal. She didn't see his face, but Karma hoped he'd forgive her when she saw him again. She turned around, nodded at Dalton, who signed at her that he was going to help the other Shelter group. Karma ran with him along the road, trying to get their attention. Karma saw other people with them and she sighed in relief. The other group could help get them to the portal! She was glad that the strangers had made it in time before the portal closed. She couldn't imagine travelling for days only for the portal to shut in your face.

Except when she came closer, she noticed something was wrong. Why were the strangers pulling the people from her Shelter towards the X's?

She looked at one of them straight in the eyes, and saw colour again, right under his left eye. The dots were bright blue. His maniac grin, the deranged glint in his eyes, his hysterical laughter.

Karma was suddenly reminded of Jeanine.

"It's all useless! It doesn't matter if we make it to the portal!" the guy punched another person in the face. His arm was bleeding in multiple places, completely mangled, though he didn't seem bothered by it. "We're all dead anyway. Better choose the merciful way now. You'll thank me!"

Karma felt herself shake, and she doubled her speed. She punched the asshole right in the face, encouraging people from the Shelter to keep going. She wrenched them out of the grip of the crazy people. There were at least five of the insane left, the others probably already eaten by the X's which explained why the creatures weren't attacking people from the Shelter. They were probably busy finishing their meal. Karma kept ushering people to the portal before it closed. She saw an X straighten up a few meters away. He was ready to catch another prey and his metallic friends would be too, in a few seconds.

She scanned the remaining group one last time for Shelter people, and it seemed like everyone was running to the portal, away from the X's. She grabbed Dalton's hand, getting ready to sprint for their life, abandoning the crazies, not that they wanted to get saved, when-

"Hail."

The blonde, practically white hair, the icy blue eyes, the dimples on his cheeks. It'd been half a year since Karma had last seen him, but she still remembered that face. She still remembered the first Ghost town, the library, the fear. Still remembered Pandora's sobs, her screams at night, pleading for her brother to _please come back! Don't leave me!_

He approached her, not worried about the X creeping up behind him, it's jaw wide open.

"Come here, Karma!" he sped up, limping slightly. "Don't worry. I'll show you the way!"

She screamed, fighting to get away when he grabbed her shirt but a few seconds later, Karma was free and he was on the ground.

"Dalton, no!" Karma shouted, tugging his shoulder but Dalton didn't listen. He straddled Hail's body and punched his face over and over again, adding more blood to the scene.

"Don't you _dare_ touch her!"

This was not the time to play the hero.

"There's an X!" Karma screamed, high pitched and afraid.

The harrowing creature took slow, offbeat steps forward, its silver, hard, metal body grinding and groaning in protest the whole way. Its atrocious form was hunched forward in a hideous manner and suddenly, frightfully, it let out an ear-piercing angry screech into the night. It's wild red eye locked with Karma's and she whimpered in fear, pulling on Dalton's shoulder even harder, having half a mind to abandon him, but she couldn't, not after what he'd done for her. The most sickening part of the creature was the hole on its stomach, opening and closing with sharp, wicked teeth, ready to molest. It resembled more a hairless killer spider than a human with its round metallic body spreading off into, what seemed, eight thin metal legs grasping the earth as if it were the only thing grounding it; the same legs that would puncture the heart of a human being.

"Dalton!"

Karma finally got him out of Hail's grasp and they scrambled backwards. She stared straight into Hail's eyes as he cackled happily, even when a claw went through his stomach, even when his body got shoved right in the middle of the metallic teeth, cutting him off. Karma couldn't stop the relief flooding into her that it was Hail that had gotten eaten by the X and not Dalton.

Karma started running to the empty portal, the rest having had the time to go through. It could close any time, but Dalton wasn't following. He was standing in the middle of the road, paralysed. His eyes were wide with terror and his mouth open in shock.

Karma hesitated and went back for him.

"Dalton! Now!"

He shook his head, and let himself get dragged by Karma. They were only a couple of meters away now. They were going to make it. They were going to-

A monster let out an awful cry of anger behind them. She heard Dalton's yell pierce her eardrums. She whipped around, her hand still grasping his and saw that an X had caught up to them and had plunged three of its claws into Dalton's leg. They pierced straight through his calves and started ripping the muscles as the X pulled in one direction, but Karma wouldn't let go of Dalton. She couldn't.

He couldn't die now. The portal was right there. They were going to rent an apartment together. His sister was waiting for his promise. They were both going to make it across. He couldn't die. They were so close.

His scream of immense pain punctured the silence of the night. Tears were streaming down his cheeks like a waterfall, but he still offered her one last smile, teeth grinding hard against each other from the effort.

He knew it was over for him. That this was the end of his journey. Karma only pulled him harder in refusal, letting out a scream of anger. This couldn't be it.

He looked her right in the eyes and nodded, his eyes holding a bittersweet look, her favourite blue shade of watercolour.

"Survive."

And he let go.

Karma stumbled backwards, disgusted with herself at not keeping a grip on him, for not running faster, for not saving him while she still could. She was half tempted to follow his fate, but then she remembered the rest of her family, remembered Dalton's arms holding her safe after rescuing her from her suicide mission. She couldn't dishonour them. This couldn't be it. But it was.

And so with tears blurring her vision, she sprinted to the portal. She let Dalton go, let herself fall, and the last thing she heard was the terrifying, haunting screech of the X and her training partner's last cry.

**xx-xx**

The warping turned Karma's stomach upside down and it felt like hammers pounded inside her head, but it was soon over.

It was over.

Karma laughed. It probably sounded completely wrong and too high pitched, too out of place but they were out of the city. They were safe. It was over.

She looked around. She saw the Eiffel tower, unscathed skyscrapers. She saw a beautiful city, one she'd always wanted to visit. There were shops with unbroken windows, full of clothes, supermarkets with food. The sunset was setting over the horizon and Karma thought it was one of the most beautiful sights in her life. She searched for signs of life around her, salty tears turning to ones of joy when she saw the others waiting for her. She ran towards their little huddle, hugging Pandora and Flair tightly when she saw them.

"We did it!" Karma yelled, her voice cracking. "We're out of there!"

Her heart panged in pain when she remembered everyone still on the other side of the portal.

She was not joined by the others in her joy. Everybody who'd gone through the portal was either gone already or huddle in small groups, head bowed in defeat. When Karma looked around again, she didn't see anybody else except them. Some bells rang in her head, telling her something was off. Where was all the help? Why were all the roads deserted?

"What's wrong?" She felt dread settle in her stomach at their silence. She saw Jeanine and Hail laughing at her in her mind.

_Choose the better fate, we're all going to die! It's all POINTLESS!_

"Where's Dalton?" his sister asked, her voice rising in fear. "Where is he?

Before Karma could get a word out, a shrill alarm rang out.

Karma covered her ears as everyone around her crumpled to the floor in pain. She writhed on the floor, not even hearing herself scream. Her helmet fell out, but it didn't make a difference. Her chest was contracting abnormally and she felt blood drip from her nose, tasted it on her tongue.

After an indefinite amount of time, it stopped and Karma lay breathing heavily on the ground, surrounded by other twisted bodies. She tried to reach and wipe her nose, but her arm spasm with the effort before dropping to the floor again. Her ears were ringing, her vision was blurred, and the hammers had doubled in her head.

_What was that?_

A woman's voice started talking out of nowhere, echoing around the street.

"Trial one, man-made disaster, has been completed by test group D," the monotone voice droned. The words appeared on neighbouring electronic screens on skyscrapers, which Karma read, numb to the world. "Trial two started, natural disaster."

Karma retched all over the pavement as the woman spoke the next four words. Those damned four words, ringing in the corner of her mind, always there.

"Save one person: yourself."

Karma looked at Oberon's scared face and saw Pandora's blotchy cheeks. She looked at everyone, haggard and barely alive. She saw people screaming, crying, yelling at the voice or at their God.

And something inside Karma broke when she saw a wave of water rise above the skyscrapers in the distance, heading straight towards them.

It was never going to end. It wasn't over. They'd just keep surviving. Over and over, until their bodies rotted and their legacy faded.

And she remembered the X's vision, the flooded building, the dead floating bodies, the broken paradise.

_Save one person: yourself._

She breathed in and out and looked at everyone around her. The cowboy wannabe, the hopeful leader, the bravest little girl she'd ever meet, the musician, the mother hen. She grabbed her helmet, putting it on, before shouting instructions at her family, running towards the highest skyscraper. She hoped they'd make it in time before the wave hit. They ran in the door, climbing the steps as fast as they could, followed by other people who'd seen the wave, those who could still run.

Just keep surviving.

She tightened her grip on Flair's hand, helped Pandora back up when she tripped and shouted at Carrie to hurry up.

_Just keep surviving._

**oo-oo**

It's the day before Christmas eve. Karma has invited Derrick, Sergio, and Raine over to celebrate before they all go their own ways on Christmas day. They are currently all sitting on the sofa, passing around presents which are poorly wrapped up. The sound of laughter and jokes is constantly in the air, lifting the mood up.

Her moms watch over their idiocy, as Derrick tests his new micro drone, losing sight of it within seconds. Sergio is wearing Santa's beard, daring anyone to try and make out with him. Raine has managed to trick Karma's brother into being a test subject for her new sink-in makeup, which your skin apparently absorbs completely. It creates a flawless, bumpless look.

Karma glances outside the window, chuckling when it starts snowing. Karma's heart feels so full. With the fire and good atmosphere, she feels at peace, surrounded by her family.

A movement catches her eye, at the end of the street. It's so faint, she almost misses it. There's a group of people: a tall blonde guy with his arm around a small girl in a pink shirt, two older teens bickering, a dark-skinned woman talking to a thirty-year-old man who holds himself with an air of ease. Karma's heart twinges with love at the sight of all those people, almost as if they were all connected somehow as if her heart had a string linking her to all those strangers. It's like a survival instinct, telling her she belongs with them, out there on the streets.

Karma jumps as Derrick falls into the Christmas tree. Luckily, it's holographic and none of the ornaments break. She can see her moms holding each other up as they try not to crumple over and die of laughter. Sergio is helping Derrick up whilst Raine commentates the scene with a monotone drawl.

A sudden panic grips Karma as if she's just missed something important. Something is slipping from her grasp, and she can't hold onto it.

She throws one last look out of the window, but all she sees is the street covered with snow. She feels an emptiness form in her heart at the lack of strangers.

Suddenly hearing Derrick call, Karma shakes the weird funk off, joining her friends.

In parallel, outside in the frigid scenery, an identical girl (maybe a bit older, her eyes a bit duller, and gloves that don't quite seem to fit perfectly on the right hand), barely a mirage, runs towards her patchwork family, and the wind whispers a familiar phrase that echoes through the empty street.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Please tell me what you thought of it and leave kudos :)
> 
> \- Lo


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